Guest Post: BreezyK’s Anatomy of a Treadmill Run

One of my favorite blogs from the beginning, here in WordPress, has been The Camel Life by BreezyK. Being a big fan of creativity and humor I always checked in to see what Breezy was up to. This was further enhanced by a picture of the girl having fun in purple hair. Her Camel Life theme come from finding funny things in the normal or mundane things in life all around us.  And she completes the trio of fantastic Toronto bloggers that I have been following. She’s fun, she’s 26ish ( I sooo hope I am right here), a lawyer, and very creative with her version of the English language that I can only envy aspire to emulate and you will never know what to expect next.

Today is my gym day with the tests I put myself through with the weights and treadmills. The following is  a normal day of Breezy’s escapades in the gym. Grab a towel. Have fun!

Anatomy of a Treadmill Run

Holla peeps! For those of you who don’t know me, I’m BreezyK of The Camel Life, where I blog about all sorts of ridiculous things most people are too afraid to admit.
Since Andy and I are both masochists heart-healthy, and like to stay in shape by running, when he asked me to write a guest post, I immediately knew I wanted to write about running on the treadmill. (Or, as I affectionately like to refer to it, the “DREADmill“).

Second only to the subway turnstile, the dreadmill is my #2 nemesis in life. This is only strengthened by the fact that due to the unpredictability/long hours of my job, most of my runs take place at the ungodly hour of 6:30 am. I know. I’m insane.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to document one of my early morning torture rituals runs for you guys – from should-be-illegal wakeup time, to collapsing in a puddle of sweat, tears, and self-loathing at the end. So here goes!
5:45 am:

• Alarm goes off
• 
• Ponder why God hates me.
• Hit snooze.

6:15 am (aka: 3 snoozes later):

• Finally drag my butt out of bed.
• Log onto wordpress to see how many new comments I’ve received on my latest blog post.

6:20 am:

• Find out the answer is none.
• Sadness.

6:22am:

• Procrastinate. (This may take the form of arbitrarily opening and shutting kitchen cupboards, fake-cleaning, eating handfuls of dry cereal, etc.)

6:30am:

• Finally put gym clothes on.
• Take a picture of myself in front of the mirror.. because what the world really needs is more of this 6:30am beauty:

6:45am:

• Finally make it out the door after doing way too many takes of aforementioned beauty shot. Note to self: it is impossible to look hot in a grainy blackberry shot at 6:30am… put that one in the “Get over it” box.

6:50am:

• The face-off:

It's just you and me, buddy

6:55-7:05 am:

• Begin running.
• Attempt to find a song on ipod that doesn’t increase my desire to strangle myself with the treadmill emergency cord.

Hint: it’s not this one:

Enjoy my sweat droplet on the right hand side? That's just for you guys.

or this one:

7:05-7:15 am:

• Generally hate life. Continuously ask myself: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

7:15 am:

• Channel my anger by hating every personality on morning television.
• Come around a little when they show a video of a cute bear dancing.
• Try to take picture:

• Fail miserably.

7:16 am:

• Field suspicious gazes of fellow gym-goers, who clearly think I am crazy for taking pictures of the TV while running on the treadmill. (Judy McJudgersons).

7:20am:

• Think about all the delicious food I’m gonna eat once this horror show is over. (Who am I kidding- I’ve clearly been thinking about food this entire time)
• Plan my outfits for the next week with such detail you’d think I worked at Vogue rather than a generic office building.

7:25 am:

• Start to get sort of comfortable. Think to myself “hey, this actually isn’t so bad! I should do this every morning!!”
• Develop false sense of confidence.
• Visualize myself winning the Toronto Marathon
• Form overly ambitious mental to-do lists.

7:30:

• Temporary euphoria recedes, pain sets in once again.
• Begin downward spiral.
• Think, once again, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS YOU CRAZY WOMAN??”

7:35am:

• FINISHED! Take victory shot:

x3, because extreme fatigue has caused me to have an unsteady hand

7:36 am:

• Tend to atrophied muscles.
• Retire to ab mat, where, in lieu of stretching, spend 2-3 minutes curled in fetal position.
• take unnecessary second photo of myself, where I still don’t look hot.. and probably shouldn’t post on the internet:

And that’s it! Hope you guys enjoyed my little trip down the masochistic highway- and If you want more where that came from, come and visit me over at my blog!
Peace and love,
BreezyK