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Sometimes kids just don’t understand…

Forgive me, this is yet another reblog from a Christmas long ago (5 years 12/19/2013). From back when I still was creative and these darn kids didn’t wear me out so much.  And since lots of things are going on right now, let me introduce you to 3D of Christmas’s past….

Merry Christmas week everyone!

Hello Life in 2D! Yes I said 2D today. I am just feeling uninspired this week. You know, with the Big Day coming up. Things to do. Do we have enough time? Wrap all the gifts. Other than trips to the doctor I’m just not feeling so inspired this week. Just kinda tired.

I do my best thinking in the shower.


The down side to ‘brainstorming’ in the shower is that there is nothing to write with.  So I have to hurry up before I run out of hot water.

So this is what I came up with…

My 3 year old still wants to know why Santa didn’t bring her presents last night, since we have all these decorations up?

I try to show her the Advent calendar but she still doesn’t understand. So it had me thinking about some of the other things our kids don’t quite grasp about Christmas.

Here is a Top Ten List of things our kids just don’t understand about Christmas:

1.    Some of Santa’s elves just wrap toys better than others. It has nothing to do with skill or the amount of time left to wrap them.
2.    The being “Naughty” or “Nice” list does not begin two weeks before Christmas. Santa and Santa’s elves actually DO watch them all year long.
3.    You can’t play with just one toy before opening every package that Santa and your grandparents bring.
4.    The elves designed some toy packages to ‘ship safely’ and not packaged  to immediately play with. Dad just needs some breakfast Christmas morning before he commits to untangling the maze of wires and twists or ‘assembly’ in order to get to the toy; or else it could get broken Christmas morning.
5.    If a toy breaks Christmas morning Santa can not bring you a new one over night. A whole new ‘Naughty or Nice’ list begins Christmas morning.
6.    Santa can make it down the chimney. Sometimes he just needs to make several trips. There is no need to leave the door open this year; or a window open over night.
7.    Santa’s presents really DO have something to do with somebody’s birthday. Just not their birthday.
8.    The toys are not more important than the thought or the love behind them; even the sweaters or the books you did not ask for.
9.    Santa only makes the toys. He does not bring the batteries too.
10.    Mommy and Daddy really do want to take a nap after opening all the gifts that morning.

Dylan, you can't stick the ornament on the tree by 'pressing' on the treeNo Dylan. You cannot make an ornament stick on the tree by pressing on the tree

What are some other things your kids do not understand about Christmas?

Please feel free to offer them below. Maybe one of us has an explanation. And there is no such thing as exaggerating too much.

Go ahead…embellish!

Merry Christmas!

Jamaica: FDR IV…Waiting for the pumpkin…

Well I guess you know by now about long-awaited, too-short, overdue summer vacation we took this fall.  I talked about the highlights in License to Chill. Tried to illustrate Dylan’s great time she had in the water, both in the sea and on land as well as tease you with the clear waters of the Caribbean ocean in …No Boundaries. We even found a bit of fun in the airports as they tried to make us stay for the weekend. But I would have you know….it wasn’t all fun and games.

You see Skylar actually caught a little stomach bug our last day there. Dylan picked it up the next day. Yes the girls got a little ill. Hey, it wouldn’t be ‘vacation’ without it!

Skylar picked up the bug on our last day. She wasn’t herself and then threw up that afternoon. It kinda put the damper on our ‘Last Meal in Jamaica’ dinner we had planned for that night. She wasn’t up for that so Mom (capital ‘M”) stayed with her while Dylan and I went down to eat. Being our last night, Dylan took it seriously and got all dressed up, wearing a dress-up outfit that a popular Grandmother (capital ‘G’) gave her last Christmas. She was my impromptu date in paradise. We had a great time!

We had a wonderful candlelit dinner, located right on the railing beside the sea. ~I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. It was a great location and Dylan was feeling very special.

Many of you remark on the cute or amazing things that leave this child’s mouth in the ‘DYLANisms. I may be the most amazed sometimes. Are lots of kids like this? But one thing you don’t get reading DYLANisms is the innocent or enthusiastic way she says these things, making them that much more adorable. Take a look as she talked about the vacation, wishing upon the stars with her sister and finally being treated like Royalty by the staff when dinner arrives. She felt super special all dressed up like the Princess she thought she was that evening:

The evening ended as she spotted a three year old boy, Sebastian,  that just happened to celebrate his third birthday that day. Earlier that day Dylan saw the birthday party his Canadian parents threw for him on the beach that afternoon. Dylan was riding Big Blue, surprise, at the time.

Dylan knew him as one of her other international friends that played in the swimming pools all week. Since she wasn’t at the party this girl still wanted to wish Sebastian a Happy Birthday. So as we finished up she took me by the hand and asked if we could go over to his table and say “Happy Birthday”. It wasn’t my idea. It came from her heart as she was quite determined to do this by asking several times. Lots of you have noticed in the DYLANisms how smart she is on how she knows what is really important at her young age. Here was just another example.

The Heart of a Disney Princess

We feel lucky to be blessed with two great daughters with great dispositions, smarts, and great senses of humor. I keep waiting for the clock to strike midnight and see this fairy tale turn back into a pumpkin.


TIP: Want to clear customs, immigration, and airport check-ins in a hurry in your travels? Take along a sick kid!

Like I mentioned, Dylan picked up the stomach bug on the day we were leaving to go back home. In fact, she let everyone know in the middle of the Jamaican airport! Yes she put breakfast on the floor almost as soon as we entered the bustling Jamaican airport. Mommy watched Skylar and our bags while I went to clean her up. Before I left the restroom I had someone from the airport checking on her, asking if she needed anything else.

We found mommy and the bags and the airport was already on the mess we made. We went over to have our bags checked at check-in and another airport personnel was checking to see if Dylan needed to see a nurse or medicines. We assured the staff we brought and she took some since the incident.

We made it to the scanners when I saw the opportunity. Being a salesperson in previous lives I immediately ceased the opportunity. I picked her up, told her to put on her sad face then walked up to the inspectors, letting them know I was holding a sick child. Maybe they had heard of the incident?

Well we ere rushed through the scanners and hurried on to the next obstacle to boarding the plane, Customs. Again, picked her up, sad face, cough a little, flash a Passport, sign here and we were off.

Next was airport security to board the terminals. Skylar was chiming into the act by now and we barely broke our stride gliding past the ticket checkers. Success!

We had enough time to catch some lunch in Finland, browse some souvies, restroom checks and we were off.

“What??? What do you mean the flight is being delayed? My kid is sick here!”

DYLANism: What’s that in your pocket?

This morning I woke up and got up for breakfast. I made it all the way to the shower before either of our kids woke up. Dylan usually wakes up before I do but she seems to be running a bit of a fever the past two days and so has slept a little bit later.

I got out of the shower, dried off, and started the rest of my routine. Dylan walked in our bathroom, all quiet, sleepy and passive, about the same time Mom rotated into the shower from her nightly slumber. Luckily,  I was able to get my underwear on before Dylan turned the corner.

Dylan stood there watching me brush my teeth in my underwear. When I was done she asked, “is that a pocket Daddy?” looking at the sewn fly in my boxers.

Now, I realize the bulk of my readers are female but I have to guess you know what athletic boxers look like, so I will spare you the description, and how the fly is sewn on to the front.  🙂 For those of you that can’t imagine, I would just like to leave you with the adjectives: snug, majestic, and Micheal Jordon.

OK, I would like to leave you with that description but it wouldn’t be entirely true. And I know Micheal Jordan isn’t exactly an adjective but Hanes is.

Dylan left the door hanging wide open for a witty reply however with the ‘pocket‘ question. But, as I looked over my shoulder to see Mommy looking at me in a somewhat unglamorous position, after staggering into  the shower room (she rarely opens her eyes when she makes this trip), I figured I better behave.

I replied, “why yes Dylan it is a pocket?”

“What’s it for Daddy?”

The one liners are just sitting on the tip of my tongue but rolling with it I told her, “Well I can put my keys in there. Or my wallet…..Or both.”

Dylan deduces, ” Isn’t it hard to find there Daddy?”  (thanks sport)

I agreed, “Well that’s the idea Dylan” as I looked over to Mommy for approval.

Mommy just shook her head and flushed her face into the palms of her hands in disbelief.

I don’t know what she was shaking her head about? I was proud of myself for keeping the conversation to a ‘G’ rating and yet still a wee bit amusing (pardon the pun)

So, to all you new parents out there, you have these conversations  to look forward too!

No, there’s no money in there…

DYLANism(s)…What a surprise!

I have never been around children too often before we had our own. So I do not know what is normal or what is amazing.

Monday night I just finished making dinner. I made dinner because Mom wanted to stay after work and go to the gym, with the New Years Resolution (atta girl!). Time was of the essence as the dinner was coming together, we had just gotten home from getting Mom a Sonic Reese Blast with extra Reeses, and Mom would be home soon. (I know, I am either a great husband, thinking of a Reese surprise for his wife or evil for bringing her a blast after her first attempt in the gym)

I put dinner on the table, without Mom being home. Dylan had just ignored my 4th attempt to get her in her seat, choosing to stay in my chair, stirring my water with my fork. Just then she knocked her chocolate milk on to the floor making a small mess. So I did something I should not have done. I yelled at her. I told her, “I have asked you 4 times now to get in your chair. Please get in your chair so we can eat!”

So Dylan quietly walked around to her seat without a word.

I had taken a few bites of dinner around a quiet dinner table when I heard Dylan tapping her index finger on her lip. I looked up at her as she asked herself a question out loud.

“Hmmm?”, she thinks. “What would make Daddy happy? What would make Daddy happy, while looking at me.

You couldn’t help but smile at her with her innocence and good nature.

She said, “Daddy are you happy now? You are smiling. Are you happy now?”

Just then Mom walks thru the door. Dylan runs over to give her a hug.

Mom asks, “Am I missing dinner?”

Dylan enthusiastically responds, “We just started Mommy, but you can’t have your ice cream yet. You can’t have your ice cream yet.”

Mom asks, “Why not?”

Dylan answers, “It’s a surprise!”     

Are you happy?

Help Dylan Catch Some ‘Virtual’ Snow

Well if you are reading this I guess there are some things you should know about me  …besides my love for classic Christmas music.

Dylan wants to catch the virtual snow on her tongue

First, I am the WORLD’S worst Candyland player! Mommy and Dylan beat me 3 games in a row last night. And adding agony to defeat, I was ‘corrected’ by my 3 year old as I uttered, “Crap!”

Dylan immediately chimes in and says, “No daddy you must say ‘Oh my goodness’”. That girl!

Second, we all wonder how we will react in an emergency. See the pic of my 18 mth’er. Well You should see the other kid!

I wanted to say that. The truth is a chair at the Chic-fil-a got the better part of her yesterday as she ran out of the play area and slipped. Her head hit flush on a chair leg. Her eye swelled like it had a marble beneath it. And then it started bleeding at the crease. This girl has some lungs on her! Wow! It felt as though the emergency red lights should have been flashing with the intensity and volume of that wail.

I ran her up to the counter to get some ice on it. The counter employee wanted to know if I wanted some ice cream for her. (??~ Can I say WTF in a blog?) ) I tried to imagine applying the ice cream to her eye. Then I realized she was trying to get her to stop crying. Wasn’t gonna happen!

So, as the manager was walking up with an incident report to fill out, I searched for my 3 year, who was oblivious in the playland and then I darted for the door, seeking some emergency treatment for her eye.

I called mom to get some insurance info. Mommy calmly replies, “Oh that’s normal. She’ll be OK.”

I looked in the back seat, ignoring the busy holiday traffic ahead of me. Sure enough, she’s in her seat playing with a push-buttony toy, completely at ease. (!) Now, about that ice cream?

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