Guest Post: Cafe 23 ~ Confessions of a mom-to-be
With so much going on at home lately its been hard to sit down and write. Birthdays, family in town, going to work early, precious few hours with the kids and so on. I am sure you have seen it yourself. So before WordPress shuts me down for inactivity or lack of a pulse I wanted to enlist some help of a few of my favorite bloggers.
Cafe 23 was the first to help me out. I know I have bragged on her before but this girl is full of surprises and never disappoints. She’s a great read. When I first started trolling the WordPress waters I ran across her blog. It was about a Penitentiary Museum. I thought kinda scarey on a blog site, huh?
Well the article was really, really interesting and more surprises in store. Most recently we saw her doing a really good acoustic cover tune on Youtube. She also likes rare scotch, red wine, and big guns. She is not your average Canadian! She completely blew me away with her contribution here in 3D. And while I could not pay her I at least tried to repay her with this 30 second airtime.
So without further adieu, here’s Cafe 23:
When Andy asked if I’d like to write a guest post for My Life in 3D, I decided to write about something that I would probably never talk about on my own blog – parenting.
Because you are no doubt wondering: No, I am not a parent. Yes, I’m planning to be one in the future. So moving along .
Here I was, ready to go with writing down all of these thoughts I’ve had for some time now about what kind of future parent I was going to be, when Andy gave me the big newsflash: “Being a parent is rarely anything close to what we perceive beforehand.”
The post that was to be was no more.
So you mean I’m not going to be the greatest parent in the entire world? I won’t be the coolest mom that can both discipline and be fun with her kids with the greatest of ease and finesse? You mean that my plans of raising my brood to be A-students, good at sports, musically gifted and insightful little beings are going to be foiled by the powers that be? This was not looking good.
Once upon a time, I actually thought that I would never have kids. For some reason, I just assumed that I wouldn’t be a good mom. Then I eventually developed this notion that I would adopt a kid but never get married. So maybe I could do the mom thing, but men? Forget that
shit (3D edit) crap.
I have grown up since then, found out that not all men should be forgotten about, and now find myself nearing the age where that internal clock starts ticking just a little bit louder. Now, believe me when I say, I’m in no rush at the moment. There are plenty of things that need to happen before I unleash my mini-me’s onto the world. Plus, I have not yet devised a strategy for how I am going to deal with the pregnancy caffeine and drinking ban that merely adds insult to the injury of back pain and morning sickness.
But I certainly do think about parenting and how difficult it must be to create this little person and how much effort it’s going to take. Not just the labor part of it, which is not going to be happy hour for all parties involved; but I mean shaping that child over the years, molding them into someone you hope will spread joy and laughter throughout the world. Do all of these grand plans that you have for your little ones before they are born eventually get lost in the day-to-day agenda of wailing babies and dirty diapers?
I hope not. Because if there’s one thing I plan on doing as a parent, it’s to not forget that kids model their parents’ behavior more than they realize, that kids look up to their parents for guidance and comfort, that whatever happens to them while growing up sticks around for a long time after they’ve left the nest. Hopefully if I keep that in mind, the rest will fall into place and at least part of my plan will materialize into some awesome people that I can call my kids.
P.S. I’m sure that’s not exactly what Andy meant, but it sure got me thinking!
Many, many thanks Cafe! No, its not really what I meant. It was about all the love for a child that you never thought you could have for another human being and way more special than can be imagined. I hope I didn’t scare you!
If anyone else out there has some topic you want to explore and would like to be a guest blogger here on 3D please let me know via a comment and I will contact you. Maybe its another thought on parenting or something that doesn’t quite fit the material on you blog. Or if you haven’t done a blog before but would love a chance to put your two cents in here’s your chance. Anything, let me know. It would be very appreciated! And while Cafe set the bar pretty high here I know we all excel in our own ways. So flex your muscles and give it a try!
Hey Shira, thanks! Well, you are still pretty young to be thinking too hard about having kids! Funny, I know quite a few people (mostly women) — more than I would have expected — who don’t want to have kids. Lotsa different reasons, but I think it’s becoming more the norm now.
Great thoughts Janice! Parenting, never been crossed in my mind nor I never see a picture of me on that yet. Tho somehow I agree with what Mooselicker said: “go through phases where you want them, don’t want them, or are unsure, but to never want them seems inhumane.”
Aww thanks, Daphnee!
And as usual, you’ve got the right insights on things 🙂
Hahaha! Omg hilarious. I am the future hope of Folger’s =P actually, I’m on this brand called Maxim (it’s Korean) and I love it even though I normally hate the instant stuff. Just thought you should know.
Anyways, thanks Tim. You’re awesome! 🙂
You’re welcomne 🙂
Aww thanks 🙂
Cafe is awesome. I am honored to have her help me out here. She’ll rely on the coffee, red wine and scotch. And diaper coupons!
Thanks for stopping by mooselicker!
Cafe is great! thats why I asked her. you nailed a lot of the nouns need to be parents; sacrifice is a big one. But its for the kids so you never mind. It hard work but its all to see smile on your little ones. But you have to be at the right place, mentally, financially, and so on to really make the most of the kidrom.
thanks for stopping by MD!
PS I love your blog name! Very creative…
Cafe is a lovely blogger! And it’s true that to get involved in parenting demands a lot of preparation, sacrifices, strength and love. It’s scary but a beautiful miracle at the same time 🙂
opps! Certainly the down side of kids, the shrinking day and the chase for sleep. I’m sure you’ll handle it well. You have coffee and scotch depending on the need.
Cafe is the besssst!
You’re not ready to have kids until the dancing baby from Ally McBeal haunts you. I don’t trust anyone who at some point doesn’t want kids. Sure, go through phases where you want them, don’t want them, or are unsure, but to never want them seems inhumane.
Cafe thinks she needs coffee now but once she has kids we can only imagine. Buy stock in Folger’s people. This is your only warning for financial security.
Reblogged this on Your Daily Dose and commented:
Hey y’all! Wanted to re-blog this guest post I did for Andy at Our Life in 3D as I’m not sure when I’ll be able to write a next post here. So go check it and him out!
I’d really love to hear your own thoughts on parenting. If you don’t have kids yet but are planning to, what are your expectations of parenting like right now? If you are a parent, is it true that it’s nothing like what you perceived beforehand, as Andy said? And if you don’t have kids and don’t plan on having any, I’d love to hear about your opinions on parenting anyway! 🙂
Haha, the cat is out of the bag, Andy!! Now I’m really scared …. =P
Thanks, Derek 🙂
Yeah, I see parents that I know going through their kids being sick and I can see how that could be the hardest part. Especially when you have more than one. As soon as one gets better, another one is sick.
Well, I guess I’m not quitting the coffee addiction after I have kids then =P
Naps. I never get a chance for those either. That is an example of “book advice.” Then there is the real world we all live in. (at least I do) — 4 kids, one step at a time. I am glad they are not all the same age so my oldest can help some. (he is 7)
Shhhh, I didn’t want to tell her about how there is no more spare time, and the introduction of negative time (one’s demands expand while discretionary time declines). How many people told you how to find time to take a naps again when you get a chance? ~I can’t take naps. But the smiles on the little cherubs are so worth it. Four kids! Ahhhhhhh! How do you do it?
Thanks Andy!! No, you didn’t scare me.. too much =P
I know how much you love being a dad, so I knew it couldn’t mean bad news 🙂
Time of your own! I love it when people with out children complain about their lack of time for themselves. Just funny stuff. I only have 4 kids and it is enough to make me start to make me babble in my sleep. (sometimes)
Parenting is not what you expect, I agree. But, how do you prepare for something that is so unknown. When we had our first child, I remember how confused I was. Then the second one comes and some things are the same, but the rest is different. Now we have number 4 (yes I skipped one) and it is a girl and, well, she is completely different than the boys. Tons and tons of work. Right now my life is very labor intensive with the whole parenting deal, but I know the investment is worth it. The hardest parts are, for me, when the kids are sick. If one kid is sick and you are up all night with them, the other kids wake up refreshed and ready to rock and you are a zombie. Coffee is a friend of mine. 🙂 Anyway, this was an insightful and honest piece.
Yes, she set the bar pretty high. Would you want to add about your experiences with your kids? I would value that as well as all the Mom’s to be would. Think about it. Thanks for dropping by!
I felt bad because I thought I scared you from my comment. The love is for real. The down side is you have no more time of your own. 😛 Worry Warts is right, you will be a great mother.
Awwww thank you so much!! I hope I will be 🙂
Yes, thank goodness for technology being able to bring those who are far away a little bit closer. Best of luck to your son! 🙂
Thanks for the amazing intro there, Andy!
I’m glad to know that I actually have more to look forward to than I ever realized :
Great guest writer Andy!
This is where I teared up, “I mean shaping that child over the years, molding them into someone you hope will spread joy and laughter throughout the world.”
My oldest son left with the Peace Corps for the other side of the world two days ago. He’s about to land in an hour (I love technology – I have tracked all four flights – when he was born in 1989, we didn’t even have email yet!).
It made me tear up, because let me tell you, IT WAS A LOT OF WORK and worth every second.
I can tell by your thoughtful post that you are going to be a wonderful mother.