Along the lines of  FRIDAY FUNNIES… Here is a funny list of one liners from one of my all-time favorite comedians, Red Skelton. Maybe some of you are old enough to remember him and his routines. He could be funny without being vulgar and curse. Go figure?

Merci to Ms. Dolly for finding these, listing them, and letting me borrow them. She has a big warm blog but lots of room for more visitors and followers. Check it out and have a laugh this Friday!

1.

Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2.
We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.

3.

I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

4.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.

5.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6.
She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

8.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

9.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late

for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

10.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her

first name was ‘Always’.

12.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don’t like to interrupt her.

13.
The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”

I said, “Dust!”.