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Archive for the tag “funny”

Along the lines of  FRIDAY FUNNIES… Here is a funny list of one liners from one of my all-time favorite comedians, Red Skelton. Maybe some of you are old enough to remember him and his routines. He could be funny without being vulgar and curse. Go figure?

Merci to Ms. Dolly for finding these, listing them, and letting me borrow them. She has a big warm blog but lots of room for more visitors and followers. Check it out and have a laugh this Friday!


Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.


I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

So I suggested the kitchen.


We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric

toaster and electric bread maker.

She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place

to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.


My wife told me the car wasn’t running well

because there was water in the carburetor.

I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”


She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.

Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late

for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her

first name was ‘Always’.


I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.

I don’t like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault though.

My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”

I said, “Dust!”.

allaboutlemon-All Around, In, And Out Of My Own Universe


For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy today’s Manic Monday.   For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed.  Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer.  A re-run of great ‘one liner’s’ from the man who was known for his clean humor.   I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more.



Red Skelton 1913-1997


Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a

little beverage, good food and companionship.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds.

Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.


I take my wife everywhere,

but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.

“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.

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Tagged II

There seems there is a blogger out there named Mooselicker and he or she was tagging some of the best bloggers in Ontario this past week. How do I know? Well two of the best bloggers there each tagged me with their questions. Some of my favorite bloggeresses, Cafe23 and The Camel Life each told there readers a bit more about themselves and asked some more of their reader to do the same, me being one of them, each, er, both.

So today you get twice the info; more info than you really want or need. If I haven’t scared you off yet grab a chair, opps sorry, read on. It might get long but if you follow my blog you know I post less like blogs and more like manuscripts anyway. So YOU must like to read! And know, at the end, there will be a surprise for you. OK?

So here are the answers to the questions Breezy K. posed to me and her other readers. If you enjoy a fun and zany read you might want to check her out at The Camel Life. Here goes….

1. Are you left or right-handed? Do you play into either stereotype?
I am right handed and what is the stereotype? I dunno? This is some hip idea that I am not privy too, isn’t it? I’m so not down!

2. Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?
On all my personality tests they say I am an introvert. I think I get the results from a lot of conservative answers. I am shy in a crowd but do possess many extroverted traits as well. Cooking, writing, popping jokes, leadership roles at work and school so …I dunno. I think I am something in-between that they haven’t defined yet.

Yea, definitely an introvert!

3. Who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?
I am aware of the Power of the Taco but spice and got nothin’ on the ole grilled cheese. I swore by these in my youth. Put every imaginable leftover in one. Grilled cheese and tomato soup? A staple! Now, what are your cheat methods of making a grilled cheese.

4. Who is your favourite Kardashian sister and why?
My testosterone tells me Kim is my favorite.  (Did you hear her pet name is Jasmine, from the Disney cartoon? Check out the similarities in the way they look. Hmmmm? From the show, the one married to the wimpy white dude seems to be the most down to earth. But if I was to pick a favorite it might be one of Jenner’s kids. How ordinary would any of us look if we had cameras on us 24/7?

Have you seen my eye liner?

5. Do you write anything else outside of your blog?
I have an article being published next month in Bethany Christian magazine. I have wrote for my running club and my grad school’s business alumni newsletter. My favorite piece was a feature article in a Myrtle Beach weekly entertainment magazine where I took on the role of a bar drunk sitting at the waitress station at the bar called, Another Saturday Night with J. D, McKay. J.D was cheap, drunk, brusk, and the butt of all the bar staff’s jokes. I was actually running a nightclub at the time and tried to use funny stories that happened there in my stories.

6. Are you a vegetarian? have you tried meat substitutes? (JOKES, don’t worry, I’ll just ask one of the 300+ other people who already told me)
I eat meat. I don’t eat a lot of red meat but couldn’t survive without chicken.

7. Who is your biggest role model/inspiration in life?
Oh boy, I have so many. Joe Paterno, from Penn State University, RIP. My dad, my wife, my boss when I move to Myrtle Beach and worked in that hotel chain. The Dean of Business at my graduate school got me interested in writing and a very sharp guy as well. Joe Paterno was tops though and will be missed.

Her shirt got more attention at the bowl game then me and my mask of Joe.

8. What is your favourite junk food?
Donuts and also ice cream. I actually make ice cream at home and am trying to figure out how to make Donut Ice Cream.

9. Who is your favourite band/singer? and have you seen them in concert?
Hmm? For bands, it is Godsmack and no, I haven’t seen them. I love Jimmy Buffett and think he is a music genre all by himself for creating a coastal feeling. I’ve seen him a few times. And I love Celtic Woman too for their Irish Music. You can’t compare that to metal. I enjoy them and Irish music too and saw them once.

10. Do you have any brothers or sisters? (If not- want mine?)
I have a younger brother and older sister. Yes, I am the middle child!

11. What is your favourite (non-sexual) thing about the opposite sex?
One thing that comes to mind is that they inspire me to be a better person. Nice gals ( I know there are nice gals and not-so-nice gals) are helpful, friendly, and get to know you for you. My typical experiences with guys are that they constantly seem to one up you. I hate that. Where does it end? I don’t try to impress people and my favorite guys are humble as well. Ladies rarely seem to be like this to me. So to hang with some nice people / gals you better be one yourself it seems. Maybe I sometime try to one up them in ‘trying to be nice”. But I am happy and honored for the great gal pals (nothing sexual) that I have as friends (and blog followers!).

OK, are their any surprises there? The following are my answers to Janice’s questions in her recent tag at Cafe23. Janice is from Ontario. I enjoy her blog as she has a fun way with words and is full of surprises. She has shown us pictures of her shooting rifles and from a penitentiary museum after she once volunteered at one (!). So if you are ready for a few more things you may not know about me here they are.

1. Do you have any tattoos? If yes, of what and where? If not, what tattoo would you get if you had to get one?

No tatoos for me right now. If I got one I thought about getting a lightning bolt kinda thing, similar to the one on the Flash and get them on my ankles. Kinda like the god Mercury. I like to run and used to consider myself kinda fast.

2. What’s your alcoholic drink of choice?

Not enough space here! They are all my favorite ~ I know, that’s a bad sign. I used to say ‘whatever it is you put in my hand’. German beer, Cuervo margarittas, Tanqueray & Tonics, Frangelico, Sterling Cabernet, Dewars, Drambuie…. sorry, I know that doesn’t answer the question. Or does it?

3. What would you say is your best personality trait and why?

I want to say it is my sense of humor but judging by the 6 people that read my blog that can’t be it. So I think it must be that I am caring person. And that I love to help others out. I do work with charities and offer to help any one I can.

4. What would you say is the characteristic about yourself that you need to work on improving or changing?

I have no patience. Having kids has helped me a bit with this but still kinda have a short fuse.

5. Do you believe in God?

I believe in God and his Son, Jesus Christ. When I was younger it didn’t matter to me so much but I have witnessed too many amazing things not to believe there is not a reason behind it. God’s Will. And his will is good!

God has been great and we are very blessed!

6. If you could only accomplish one thing in 2012, what would it be?

Hmmm? I have two short term goals this year actually. A) I want / need to fix up our backyard, get a new deck and get it ready for my little girls to play in as they get older (this year’s home project) and B) Go on another vacation out of the country to someplace warm. We haven’t traveled out of the country in two years. We’re / I’m due! ~ kinda shallow goals, huh?

7. You have a choice between two questions: a) Which person’s blog do you enjoy reading the most, and why?
(Don’t worry, I don’t expect anyone to say it’s mine lol! I’m just curious to know how your minds work 😉 … You can only pick one!; or b) If you could meet any blogger in person, who would it be and why?

I’ll chose option B) But my answer really mirrors my answer for A though. Right now, with my limited time, I have narrowed down the blogs that I read regularly to about 12 or so. They are all interesting and all different, which makes the writers all interesting and different. I would like to get to know all of them better really. Cafe23 is a good one for example. Did you see this chic knocking off rounds with a rifle? Who would have thought? Leanne Shirtliffe (who doesn’t even know my bog exists) at Ironic Mom is is always very funny, with a great outlook on having kids. Plus she looks like Tea Leoni. Breezy K. at The Camel Life is funny too ( another Canadian).  I’ld like to meet all these people and more. Basically, I would love to meet anyone that reads / comments my blog as I feel I have gotten to know them all a little.

8. What will get you angry?

A) When things don’t work right. And B) when people don’t listen (I’m a manager), which in a way, goes back to my first reason of not working right.

Ya gotta hate that….

9. How would you describe your ideal significant other — looks-wise and personality-wise?

(Lets see if I can get this right) For obvious reasons, my ideal person is about my height, auburn hair, smart, great eyes (and other curvy things), athletic, a good person. Opps! That sounds like my significant other!

10. Why did you name your blog the name you named it?

I was unexpectedly thrown into the role of nanny when I lost my job. My wife took care of the kids for the most part prior. I never held a baby or changed a diaper before we had our two kids. So the idea of me taking care of these two for 10 hours a day, all by myself, was so scarey it was funny. But I had to do it so Daddy’s Day Dare, vs. Day Care was born. There were too many Daddy Day Care blogs out there already

11. What is one thing about yourself that you have never mentioned to anyone on WordPress (on your blog or comments)?

I want to answer this with a ‘reblog’ of sorts from a recent post by Ironic Mom called Two Truths and a Dare.

The rules are you write two things about yourself that are true and one thing that is false and then you (the readers) have to guess which one is false…. and nobody that reads my blog knows either. OK? Here goes….

1) I am good friends with the drummer in Godsmack
2) I have more speeding tickets than you and your whole family and actually lost my license once because of speeding.
3) My two wonderful daughters are not mine.

Which one is false?

Now at this point I think I am supposed to pick 11 more readers to tag.  And if you multiply that by 2 you get higher than the number of followers I have, unless you count by 5’s.

So can you do me a favor? You all are funnier than me anyway. Let me know which of the above Truths is a Lie and then post Two Truths and a Lie about yourself. I would love to find out more about you this way and, hey, we’re all like family here anyway. Especially Breezy, Janice, Charity, Karen, Lora, Derek, Andi, Kristabel, Sarah, Worry Warts, Nikki, Kool Aid, Ms. Victoria, Laura, Kianys, Pat and anyone else who has been brave enough to leave a comment here (and I don’t know your name). I imagine we find out some really incredible things about each other.

Have a great weekend!

Phriday Phunnies….

I’m sorry I have not been writing often lately. Starting my new job has my thoughts focused on ways to learn my new role. I get home and I get 2 hours with my kids and maybe two hours for everything else and that’s it right now. I want to take a moment and thank you, and everyone, for continuing to look in 3D, and leaving the fun comments. I really appreciate it and you! I’ll try to do better!

That being said, it is Friday and I thought a new feature here in Life in 3D might be Phriday Phunnies, since I have so few original thoughts of my own lately. I wanted to start off with my favorite comedian from the Comedy Channel, Mitch Hedberg.

I love watching Mitch. His delivery is unusual, kinda like the ‘burn out’ from school that everybody liked and was rooting for. Similar to a Seinfeld, he uses funny things that occur in our daily lives and doesn’t feel a need to resort to using a high profile line of profanity, which I often feel makes the comedian seem less original. Have you ever heard of Mitch, or know who I mean?

My favorite routine of his is not on Youtube however. I found these jokes at the Comedy Channel web site though. The bad thing is they would not post here. So  is a link to my favorite 150 second routine of his and why he doesn’t like Turtlenecks. Check it out, but promise to come back….


Here is another fun skit on what to do when neighbors pound on your wall for playing you music too loud. Very creative!


You may notice that Mitch shakes a bit when he does stand up and looks at the ground a lot. It turns out he still had stage fright very bad, unusual for someone doing stand up I think.

If you like Mitch and you want to see some more funny stuff here’s a bit more….

The sad thing is Mitch died in 2005 so there will be nor more ‘new Mitch’ jokes or routines. Maybe he wasn’t playing the role so much as the role was playing him. Regardless, I loved his work, creativity, and delivery. When I do my first stand up I want to emanate Mitch….as I will be just as scared up there.

So which was your favorite joke?

1) Turtlenecks

2) Pringles

3) Knocking on the Walls?

4) Escalators

Have a GREAT Friday everyone! Smile and have some fun today!

I am sucha dork!

Saw this commercial the other night while we were watching TV. It looked so glitzy and glam. I was paying too much attention to the video that the audio really wasn’t kicking in too much. I mean these guys really looked cool! A cool tune.

Then they mentioned the name of the product. I thought it was as bold and glossy as the product. Yet I still couldn’t believe someone would market their product under this name.

So I turned to my wife and asked, “Did they just say ‘Bastards of Style’?”

It sounds like that, right?

She shakes her head and laughs, “No, MASTERS of Style”. And she just kept laughing.

I paused for a moment, soaking in her laughter, then asked her, “Can this count as a sort of DYLANism?”

She said, “You better not.”

She thought this so funny she told her suite mates at work (and her sister, her aunt, the neighbors, etc.). Now when they get a glimpse of this commercial they’ll text her.  i.e. “Just saw the Bastards of Style commercial, lol”.

Hey, it could fit, given the commercial! Right?

She thinks I need to get my hearing checked.

I think, is it any wonder we have the arguments disagreements that after I didn’t hear her right.  ..the communication thing. It must be my perception. Yes, I think that’s it. I think it proves me point!

PS:  She actually thought they said, “Ambassadors of Style” the first time.

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