You have some nerve!
A man elects to have a prostatectomy (removal of the prostate) and asks the surgeon to try to spare the nerves that produce an erection. Well, he goes into surgery and wakes up in the recovery room and sees his doctor.
Man: So how did it go?
Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news.
Man: Give me the good news first.
Doctor: We were able to save the nerves.
Man: That’s great news! What’s the bad news?
Doctor: They’re under your pillow.
My good friend, the great Dr. O is going to spare me this scenario I trust. In fact he and my cancer doctor have become some hero’s to me. They are trying to save my prostate.
Yes, early detection, annual physicals, and PSA’s gave me some options. I can’t say enough good things or good advice other than get yourself checked early for prostate and breast cancer and get yourself checked often.
Early detection allowed me to save my prostate and, after some work, enables me to use it for years to come. Yes, if you are wondering, immortality!
My options included removal (surgery), to radioactive seed implants, to futuristic surgery by a robot.
Its good to have choices!
I opted for the radioactive seeds procedure, called a ‘brachytherapy’ for many of the obvious reasons from outpatient surgery, to shorter healing to still being able to still use my prostate.
If you are interested in learning more about achy-brachytherapy’s, from procedures to side effects and benefits click here and here.
I was initially crushed with the news that I had cancer but reading this really, really, saved my summer.
But I am getting ahead of myself. People have asked what is going on the day of my procedure. If you don’t enjoy some mildly graphic medical and body images I think you should close the curtain on this post right now. In fact I only allow this window in my mind open for a short time until it makes me a bit nauseous and I have to think of something else.
I have to arrive at the hospital at 5:30am. In which case they are going to give me a series of anesthesias to put me out. I am then placed in what I imagine to be something like a birthing chair where my legs are spread apart giving the doctors full access to the land where my legs come together, just in front of my rectum.
I don’t think I’ll be riding my bike next week!
The tool I used to consummate my marriage will be taped up and off to the side I hear. Oh, how I hope they give me a shave first!
So this is my first issue in this procedure, all doped up, tubes in my arm and mouth while I lay limp, legs spread apart, waiting to be violated.
The goal of this cancer treatment is to insert radioactive seeds into my prostate in order to kill the cancer cells. Now how many radioactive seeds, the size of a pencil tip, do you think that would take?
If you guessed 75-100 you are in the right ballpark.
Radioactive seeds have the benefit of keeping the radiation local, with little radioactive runoff to neighboring organs. They can be much more precise than laser radiation treatments that have to shoot through your body, laying victim to everything they touch.
Do you think they will jingle when I go for a jog?
The doctors are literally going to fill my prostate with these seeds, in hope of killing any and all cancer, detected or undetected.
On the down side, these seeds are due to stay in me way (way) past their useful life. They are mine. I keep them. I paid a lot of money for them after all.
The percentages to killing the cancer cells are quite high, in the 90’s, and its a good chance I will be cancer free, down there, for good.
A down side to this procedure is that our urinary tube runs smack through my precious C-spot. This is one of the immediate issues when prostate cancer shows its ugly head, inhibiting normal urinary functions.
The issue with my procedure is that there is a chance or two that the needles inserting my seeds poke or break that urinary tract. They tell me this is a small chance but it is a big deal if it happens.
When everything is said and done I get a brand new catheter installed with a tube running down to my leg. I should be home by 4 or 5pm that same day. The good Lord willing and no surprises occurring I will have that catheter out the next morning.
Choices are good!
All in all I think that is a pretty fair deal for having cancer and the treatment of it. I am so blessed to have this new and developing technology to handle my treatment and CURE.
And I can say CURE due to early detection and options!
You don’t know how hard it is for a fit 50 year old man to tell family and loved ones he has cancer. Trust me, at 50 you are not ready for this. Not at any age.
BENEFITS / SIDE EFFECTS
Some of the side effects of this procedure include, frequent urination, immediate urges to go, some incontinence or even a burning feeling with with urination.
Heck, I have half of those now! But my doctor tells me they would be short lived and everything, EVERYTHING, including regular sex, should be back to normal down there within a month or two. I’ll let you know how that goes!
In fact, my doctor tells me he wants me trying to have sex (to strengthen the organ) as soon as two weeks. But with the use of condoms.
You see the radioactive seeds have about a 17 Day half life. Meaning, after 17 days they lose half of their potency. After another 17 days they lose half of that and the seeds should be inactive after about 3 months.
Which means after 2 weeks I may be shooting some kryptonite into those condoms, if anything at all. But he does want me to try.
A second precaution, and this may be the hardest, is I can not hold my kids for TWO MONTHS.
That’s right, the radiation coming from my belly can actually make them sick to some very bad diseases. He said hugs are OK but not on my lap. I hope they can understand.
Which leads my mind to wonder, what else might I expect from having a garden of radioactive seeds in my belly?
One funny reader thought I may have some glowing nuts!
I thought my belly may glow in the dark at night…not unlike a firefly.
Will I become telepathic? Or have x-ray or heat vision? Spidey-senses? Or become a Bruce Banner?
Don’t make me mad and find out…puny human. Hulk smash!
But to be told you have cancer and then have it (hopefully) killed by a 90 minute procedure and then being able to go back to work two days later is a pretty fair trade off.
Folks, if their is anything to take away from this it is early detection. If I had ignored this a year or two more the cancer may have grown too big to allow these choices.
Get checked! Tell your friends and family!
Through this whole ordeal I have been able to follow two strong ladies and their procedures for treating their cancers, breast and ovarian.
These ladies have given me strength and perspective, allowing me to understand I am very lucky to have this, my treatment available.
And right now, NOW, as I type, that damn song comes on the radio, ‘Its Not my Time’.
Oh thank you God!
Thank you too, Susie at Susie’s Wild Ride and Angela at Mind Margins.
I think He just said we are all going to be OK. Its not our time!
Will you two stand up and take a bow?
Sorry, I had to walk away and dry my eyes. It does get emotional sometimes when laughter alone isn’t enough.
These two ladies are so much more courageous than me. They deny their importance but I am humbled at my illness based on what these ladies go through. I hope to be at least half as brave, strong and spirited.
Susie is right, Laughter is the best medicine!
An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The pretty doctor says, “I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
The old guy obeys and says,”99″.
The doctor says, “Great”. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”.
Again, the old guy says, ’99’.”
The doctor said, Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
The old guy begins, “One …. Two … Three” …
….and off I go!
OUR LIFE IN 3D 
Thanks Sandy. I got an email today from that Popcorn group on the Jersey shore, some discounted options. Come on down and we can split a tub of it. Stay warm Sandyland! thanks for checking in!
Thanks for the good thoughts today! I really appreciate them. For having cancer this had to be a breeze I thought. Trust me I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself when I may not have been so brave. Having the early diagnosis was key for this least invasive procedure to have this option. I feel fortunate for that. I hope you are doing well Casseye, great to hear from you! Keep your guy on that early check up too.
Thanks for the well wishes Dr. The procedure they say was ‘textbook’ so so good so far. Just need to rest and heal a bit. Any suggestions Dr? Wrestling and body slams may have to wait a bit until then. 🙂 Thanks for the house call Dr. Lynn….
Hoping you are recovering well and that yesterday went peachy keen! 🙂
Rooting for you all the way!!
Thinking of you today and strong wishes that it went well. This was a wonderful and inspiring post – and clever as always! Thanks for your candor and humor around this tough topic. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. Staring down a cancer diagnosis is a tough job, and you’ve managed it with courage and grace.
I was thinking about you this morning and decided to stop in and let you know. I’m sending you good thoughts and wishes for an uncomplicated procedure. I need you all fixed up quickly. Who else is going to teach me those awesome wrestling moves?
Thank you mi amiga! I appreciate it. I’ll take all I can get!
Sending positive Latina thoughts your way for tomorrow!!! We will be thinking of you!
Those other two ladies are hero’s. I just hope other people see the value in getting tested when they reach a certain age. Thanks for the hugs Luanne! Here’s one back for you two! ((hug)). Oh wait, is Marisha still a prostitute? People will talk. 😉
I know it’ll be OK. I mean how much different can it be than getting your wisdom teeth out in the end? I had that done about 5 years ago. Yet the stigma of the a cancer operation leaves me anxious sometimes. But how can anything go wrong when all your healing energies are coming this way? They’ll ask me how I bounced back so quickly and I’ll tell them Cyndi did it! Ask her! 🙂 Thanks for the well wishes and postive thoughts! It helps having you on my team too. xx
Thanks for the well wishes Cristina. I appreciate it. After they give me that first IV it will be all Happy thoughts!
You’re a hero, Andy. And a really funny one, too. Many virtual hugs from Phoenix from both Marisha and me!!!!!
If your 65 year old neighbor came through well, then you know you are going to do well, too. It pays to be healthy and fit for all optimal healing, and prayers can seal the deal. Sending a gentle hug, prayers and my brand of healing energies your way…
I am lost for words. Best of luck and think happy thoughts!
ALL good ideas SSM. I appreciate it. One reader said to create a fun ‘hand hug’. We can still hug but ‘daddy’s girl’ likes to sit on my lap while we watch TV; they both do. Or get up early and sleep in my bed. The oldest likes to play by way of wrestling and body slams (dad is SUCH a sport). We do this every day. It her way of playing with daddy.
I think the girls will be fine as long as you keep paying attention to them, I guess the invisible radiation and sickness is something difficult to understand.
Just get creative with the games and Im sure you will have fun.
Lets hope for the best 🙂
You’ll have to come up with a mutually remote way of hugging, like fist bumping or take a picture of you both hugging, hard, NOW, and flash it at each other every time you want to hug.Or get one of those hand-held toys that bite when your hand operates the lever and you can squeeze the girls’ hands for a hug. Better yet, your dear wife can hug on command in your stead. That’s the best…
You are a trooper. But your girls (all 3 of them) will be the real troopers – you know how we women fret.
~~ssm
I thought so. He had nothing but positive things to say.
A toxic banana Photo Challenge? lol I never considered that image. She might have but I didn’t. I was thinking about giving my operating team a pep talk about being careful and taking there time and all but I don’t know how serious they will take me after I get that first dose of anesthesia. Or I thought I would just take in a picture of my 2 little girls. ~ I told my oldest one tonight about not being able t hold her until Christmas and she started crying. And then she looked up and asks, ‘does that mean we can’t wrestle?’ Being around for a long time is my top priority afterwards. As always, thanks for dropping by SSM. Have a great week!
You got it!
That’s good news.
Thanks again! You will soon look at this in your rear view mirror. It will be a blurry image.
Susie you have been a beackon as to handle this. I can’t feel sorry for myself with a funny and brave lady like you talking about obstacles. I don’t think I will be taking any good pictures, as you did at the hospital. It would be hard to top your flower vase pics. I understand I get pretty funny when they slip me the good stuff in the tube. Maybe we can get a video of that. I hope you are doing well and healing / recovering and getting stronger and stronger..while you skip across the globe. Thanks for the prayers as well.
Welcome to the 50’s, eh Brickhouse? Thanks so much for your thoughts and well wishes. Last night I told them how much the girls mean to me and tonight e told them about being held. My oldest started to cry and then she asks, ‘does that mean we can’t wrestle?’ I am sleeping in my own BR for the following 2 nights and she asked if she could sleep beside me on the floor. My procedure will not be until Tuesday so it will give you a day to break out the owners manual on your new necklace and know how to have it work it magic! Although, all in all I would rather be sipping mimosas with you than soaking up prayers all doped up and tied down. Thanks again Ms. Brown eye! Hope you had a good vacay. Looking forward to reading about it this week. I may have some time on my hands.
🙂 I like your thinking! Hand hugs are OK. Nah, I had it the name wrong all this time. I wasn’t until I started doing research for this post that I realized the error. The robot is state of the art but it s for precision ‘removal’ of the prostate. I wanna keep mine and charge it back up! We told my oldest today about not being able to hold her until Christmas and she started crying. She says, “does that mean we can’t wrestle?” She is so dear. I wanna cry too. Holding out for a fun game of ‘hand hugs’ Thanks Ms. Aurora! Have the best week. Don’t get to far ahead of me on your story!
Thanks so much Ms. Lola. I really appreciate it. Join me in a tequila on the other side of Tuesday?
Thank you Nelson. I appreciate it. I will let you know how it goes. Coincidentally I was walking my dog yesterday and ran into a 65 year old neighbor, getting back from jogging, who just had the Da Vinci at the beginning of the year. He is doing fine and full of life himself.
I hope there is a Weekly Photo Challenge that features a theme which would perfectly fit a shot of a glowing condom.
This is such an awesome post, 3D – thank you for candidly spreading the word and injecting your wonderful brand of humor into the ordeal. My prayers abound for you and yours.
And don’t worry about the procedure – thank God for anesthesia. Sounds like they’re going to handle you and the crown jewels with the utmost of care. Just think what life will be like beyond cancer – what will your priorities be? Probably as centered as they have been since the diagnosis, and that’s a Good Thing, if God gets us focused on what’s really important.
Blessings…
I hope that robot uses gloves.
Good luck to you on Tuesday! I’ll say a prayer!
Thanks so much for the shout out. I think you are equally brave. Thank God for good drugs…
Andy! I have been thinking about you (between my Mimosas and celebrations) and wanted to wish you the best of luck tomorrow. I love this post and how you are handling this very tough and scary time. We all use humor to help us, but it is ok to be afraid and emotional too.
It sounds like you will be in good hands with the care of good doctors. Think positive thoughts! Your precious girls will understand after they get used to not being able to sit on Daddy’s lap after a little while but they’ll know their Daddy loves them.
Those were some great jokes, btw! Hey, I got a new fancy rosary from my mom for my bday so I will say an extra prayer for you (even though I don’t really know how to officially pray with one – but don’t tell my mom) so that tomorrow will go smoothly and that there will be no complications! ANDY STRONG!!!
Did you change the procedure from the robot surgery to the seeds?
Maybe you can invent something like handhugs while laying down (belly away).
Good news. Still pulling for you!
Great post. All the best for you on Tuesday. I know you will do well.