It’s a miracle!
Yesterday I had my consultative meeting with a Cancer Doctor about my radiology options in getting rid of my cancer. This meeting went even better than we could had expected. It appears I have an option where they implant radioactive ‘seeds’ in my prostate.
While fairly invasive upfront, and by that I mean ‘in the beginning’, the actual procedure is quite in the ‘land-down-under’, the end result should be full use of my prostate for years to come. It doesn’t have to be removed. The cancer will die. I’ll be able to use this mysterious gland for a good long time it appears.
In fact, the doctor said the slow growing cancer doesn’t even need treated at all, at its current size, although he didn’t recommend that option.
We joked. We discussed the procedure and he gave me some more literature to read. The meeting went pretty well in the end.
My attitude has done a 180 since that one week in mid-May. While I still see my moods going from scared to nervous, relieved, hopeful and ambitious, I still remember that one week when my prospects were not so bright.
My doctor had told me I had about a 25% chance of having cancer after my blood tests. Then BOOM! I have cancer after the biopsies. I was set up with CAT scans, DOG scans and Bone scans to see how far the cancer had spread. This was new to me. It HAD to be a mistake. The C word? And I was scared for one dark week. It didn’t matter that it was the bargain-basement type of cancer. I had cancer cells in my body!
I looked at my girls I wanted to see grow up all that week. They were placed in our hands to take care of. How could this be?
I promised two very special birth families WE, a mommy and a daddy, would raise these girls to the best of our ability. I felt like I had let them down that week.
What about my wife? She does everything she can for these girls and there is still not enough time in the day for her. You mothers know what I mean. The thought of leaving her alone to struggle more was tearful.
And my parents, to outlive their son?
And so I walked out of that dark Cancer ward into the sunshine of the parking lot. I had a bit more bounce in my step than when I walked in. I didn’t even have to schedule the procedure until September! While not cured, this out patient ‘procedure’ can kill this dreaded cancer.
I hopped in my car. Turned the ignition on and headed for the exit.
Some people believe in coincidences and some people believe in miracles. I am beginning to lean more towards miracles.
As I headed towards the exit this song came on:
Click play and join me in my car as I drove home…
I knew this song from a few years past. I remembered it and knew how it went. Some of you who know the intro to the song may know where I am going with this.
The phrase I remembered came to me “Its not my time” instantly.
Followed by the words, “This could be the end of me. And everything I know.”
And as I drove away listening to more of the words I celebrated by turning the song up as loud as I could stand it.
And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But its not my time.
And I thought about the smiling faces of my two little girls.
Did you see Shake, shake, shake like a big wet dog?
Have you read any DYLANism’s?
I’ll be around to enjoy these things, and more, for a good long time I thought. And I am only moderately embarrassed to tell you I came to a stoplight and cried.
And I thought ‘what are the chances’?
What are the chances I hear this song at this time? A song I haven’t heard in years. A hard rock song from 4 years ago being played on an 80’s radio station. A song starting just as I turn on my car, after I kidded around with the nurses in the Cancer center, said good bye to my wife in the parking lot, and fumbled with my keys. The timing was spot on. What are the chances?
The man that sits beside me in church calls these things miracles. God did this for me. It doesn’t matter why.
Some may not believe this. It doesn’t matter. I’m not here to preach. It felt like a joyful, insanely happy (explicative) miracle. I’m going to live a long (explicative) time! It was the perfect (explicative) song at a great time.
“My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in”
If you believe in miracles, or just want to, play this song. Then hop in the front seat of the car with me as I relive the day. I promise I won’t sing!
Much…
IT’S NOT MY TIME
Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and loving all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the current’s only pulling me down
It’s getting harder to breathe
It won’t be too long and I’ll be going under
Can you save me from this
‘Cause it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go
I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I’m in a world that tries to take ’em away
Oh but I’m taking ’em back
Cause all this time I’ve just been too blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in
And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go
I won’t go
There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see
But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now it’s gonna show
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see
But I won’t go
Oh no I won’t go down
Yeah
OUR LIFE IN 3D 
I really like the song, and I’m so glad that you’ve got more cheerful news!
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Thanks so much for the kind words Ms. Deborah and dropping by my little blog. I may have gotten a bit meladramtic in my writing but it was a huge moment for me. I love your blog and look forward to seeing more of your experiences and art. Life on a boat? I can only imagine! But how divine…
What a brave, uplifting story. I love the song too, it fits you so well, from what I’ve been reading on the blog. Thanks so much for sharing.
Yes, ‘Its Not My Time’ has been my new anthem as well. I have it bookmarked. First thing everybody told me was to stay positive, and after a short read you seem too enrgized not to look for a sunny outcome in the end. It will be! I have another blogging friend who is going through breast cancer currently. She is always a fun, optimistc read at http://susielindau.com/. We’ve been praying for each other and gladly will be thinking of you each day as well. Cancer? Its the new black! Who knew? **many hugs my friend**
Thank you for pointing me to this post. I certainly needed to read this today. I definitely do have cancer and will start chemo in a month, but in the next few days we should be getting the pathology reports back to see if it has spread anywhere else in my body. Fingers crossed! And the song–I had a similar experience when I realized I kept hearing “Safe and Sound” by Capital Cities on the way to the doctor’s office, in the hospital before surgery, after surgery, and at home. It has become my very own personal anthem! I do believe in signs, and this certainly feels like a message from the universe!
You have never had a DOG scan? it turns out cancer sniffing dogs come out and give you the once over, trying to sniff for cancer. It maybe one of the more interactive cancer scans as any ol dog likes their belly rubbed after giving a good sniff. Thanks for dropping by Ms. Beautiful! Have a great weekend….
so good to see you Nadia. I thought maybe you had moved on since school is out. Thanks for the prayers and the ‘well wishes’! I’ll be OK. ..just an eye opener to show you what’s important. Hope you are doing well too! Thanks for dropping by…
They do weird stuff to you in cancer wards. But DOG scans?? Anyway I”m very glad your prognosis is good and your daughters will have you around for a long time yet 🙂
Gosh! What a blog post to come back to, I haven’t been up to date with anything! Shocked and extremely sorry to hear about it all at the same time I’m overjoyed that you’re going to be okay.
Lots of best wishes and prayers for a healthy happy life ahead
Stay strong Andy, such a touching post!
I felt sky high that afternoon, ifyou can’t tell. ~ sometimes I can get a bit melodramatic 🙂 Thanks for looking in Michelle! Have a great weekend….
This is so absolutely wonderful to hear!!! I am so happy for you and your family.
Thanks so much Ms. Cassye for your kind words. I am not trying to make too much of this thing on the blog and trying to focus on business as usual stuff. It seems everyone knows someone that has gone through the same thing. It is just such a shock that even though your body is running like a clock there can be something deadly inside you. Know what I mean? And it points out everything that is really important (cliche) and also just how important they are. Appreciate the good vibes! We all do. Hope you are doing good as well…
Thanks Lola and my prostate in question in those tests was was ‘grossly unremarkable’! What gives? I have not bee too open with the news, maybe a paragraph or two until that. I don’t want the attention or pity this way. I felt an obligation to keep some family and friends updated via the blog so that is why I put it in. But ya gotta love a good heartwarming story too! Thanks for the well wishes, I should be fine. I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. My dentist is truly a nice lady. But I was thinking of you and your stories and I always wonder what was going on behind the scenes. Be well Ms. Lola! thanks for looking in!
WOW Andy – powerful stuff. I feel so negligent that I didn’t know about your diagnosis! I am so sorry to hear about it, but at he same time over-joyed that you’ve got an outstanding plan in place to take care of it! I am so SO glad it’s not your time to go, and am sending the best vibes I can muster to you and your beautiful family!
That’s great news! I was shocked to read this thinking, “hmm… I do not remember anything about cancer. I must not be reading his posts carefully if I missed this news. What a jerk I am!” Then I went back and saw that sure enough, that was a post I had missed. I just liked the post, but I hope you know I didn’t actually like the news. 😉 I did like the whole unremarkable thing. Funny. Congrats! Wishing you continued good news and good health!
Thanks Laura. Me too. Its like all that crap that happened during the move was for a reason. I was at the point of ‘what else can happen next’. Like it prepared me for the bad news. While I didn’t beleive I actually had it I also thought why not this too, which made it a whole lot easier to accept I think. I dunno. The bad news in April seemed to kinda progress…and I am babbling here. ~ Thanks for looking in, as always, and for your kind words. Have a great weekend!
What a wonderful story! Miracles do happen and I’m a firm believer in them!
Oh I am good at the embarrassing part! Just ask their mommy! lol. yes kinda life changing and what was important is nowevn more important. Welcome to the 50’s! There’s a lot to be said about early detection…just ask Sue. Thanks for dropping by and your kind words. Have a great week!
Andy, so sorry about the initial news! How frightening! The possibility of having death face you head on must be life-changing. I am so glad to hear your recent news! Those adorable girls need their devoted Daddy to love them and embarrass them like crazy as they get older. 🙂 Be Well!
Thanks Charity. I was a sobbing mess myself that day. Things like this are eye openers, not just to what’s important but to how important they really are. See you soon!
Made me cry! Im so happy for you. the love u have for the girls & breen is so evident in this post. c u in a week 🙂
Not so much courage…what else can I do? The old saying, “get busy living or get busy dieing” comes to mind. I am waiting to see what big plans He has for me. I think the big plans are for my kids. They are the special ones! I’m just a bit role player. 🙂 ~ Thanks for looking in and saying hello SSM…
Evidently He has big plans for you…such wonderful news! You are a man of great courage and faith.
🙂 Thanks Luanne! I have found a whole new appreciation for life myself. And it is good! Just like those kids of ours. So glad we met here in WordPress too, knowing all the great things that you do. But, as we are friends I’ll just go through this C thing for both of us. OK? Thanks for dropping by and your kind words! AM
Wow!!!! And, Andy, I LOVE this post in every way. It made me cry and it made me smile and it made me realize how much I love life and how grateful I am that you’re my blogger friend.
Luanne
You and me both my friend! It was great news! Thanks!!
Love this news!