OUR LIFE IN 3D

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It’s a miracle!

Yesterday I had my consultative meeting with a Cancer Doctor about my radiology options in getting rid of my cancer. This meeting went even better than we could had expected. It appears I have an option where they implant radioactive ‘seeds’ in my prostate.

While fairly invasive upfront, and by that I mean ‘in the beginning’, the actual procedure is quite in the ‘land-down-under’, the end result should be full use of my prostate for years to come. It doesn’t have to be removed. The cancer will die. I’ll be able to use this mysterious gland for a good long time it appears.

In fact, the doctor said the slow growing cancer doesn’t even need treated at all, at its current size, although he didn’t recommend that option.

We joked. We discussed the procedure and he gave me some more literature to read. The meeting went pretty well in the end.

My attitude has done a 180 since that one week in mid-May. While I still see my moods going from scared to nervous, relieved, hopeful and ambitious, I still remember that one week when my prospects were not so bright.

My doctor had told me I had about a 25% chance of having cancer after my blood tests. Then BOOM! I have cancer after the biopsies. I was set up with CAT scans, DOG scans and Bone scans to see how far the cancer had spread. This was new to me. It HAD to be a mistake. The C word? And I was scared for one dark week. It didn’t matter that it was the bargain-basement type of cancer. I had cancer cells in my body!

I looked at my girls I wanted to see grow up all that week. They were placed in our hands to take care of. How could this be?

I promised two very special birth families WE, a mommy and a daddy, would raise these girls to the best of our ability.  I felt like I had let them down that week.

What about my wife? She does everything she can for these girls and there is still not enough time in the day for her. You mothers know what I mean. The thought of leaving her alone to struggle more was tearful.

And my parents, to outlive their son?

And so I walked out of that dark Cancer ward into the sunshine of the parking lot. I had a bit more bounce in my step than when I walked in. I didn’t even have to schedule the procedure until September! While not cured, this out patient ‘procedure’ can kill this dreaded cancer.

I hopped in my car. Turned the ignition on and headed for the exit.

Some people believe in coincidences and some people believe in miracles. I am beginning to lean more towards miracles.

As I headed towards the exit this song came on:

Click play and join me in my car as I drove home…

I knew this song from a few years past. I remembered it and knew how it went. Some of you who know the intro to the song may know where I am going with this.

The phrase I remembered came to me “Its not my time” instantly.

Followed by the words, “This could be the end of me. And everything I know.”

And as I drove away listening to more of the words I celebrated by turning the song up as loud as I could stand it.

And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But its not my time.

And I thought about the smiling faces of my two little girls.

DSC_0115

Did you see Shake, shake, shake like a big wet dog?

Have you read any DYLANism’s?

I’ll be around to enjoy these things, and more, for a good long time I thought. And I am only moderately embarrassed to tell you I came to a stoplight and cried.

And I thought ‘what are the chances’?

What are the chances I hear this song at this time? A song I haven’t heard in years. A hard rock song from 4 years ago being played on an 80’s radio station. A song starting just as I turn on my car, after I kidded around with the nurses in the Cancer center, said good bye to my wife in the parking lot, and fumbled with my keys. The timing was spot on. What are the chances?

The man that sits beside me in church calls these things miracles. God did this for me. It doesn’t matter why.

Some may not believe this. It doesn’t matter. I’m not here to preach. It felt like a joyful, insanely happy (explicative) miracle. I’m going to live a long (explicative) time! It was the perfect (explicative) song at a great time.

“My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in”

If you believe in miracles, or just want to,  play this song. Then hop in the front seat of the car with me as I relive the day. I promise I won’t sing!

Much…

IT’S NOT MY TIME

Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and loving all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the current’s only pulling me down
It’s getting harder to breathe
It won’t be too long and I’ll be going under
Can you save me from this

‘Cause it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I’m in a world that tries to take ’em away
Oh but I’m taking ’em back
Cause all this time I’ve just been too blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in

And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go
I won’t go

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now it’s gonna show
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see

But I won’t go
Oh no I won’t go down
Yeah

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