The Home of Daddy's Day Dare! ~ I am just trying to stay above water

Where are my elves!

OK I  have a quick Christmas question for you.

Did you hear one of Santa’s helpers went to see a therapist? Do you know why?

Give up?

He had low elf-esteem!

Get it?

OK, I will stop with the Christmas jokes.

Well if some of you think this post looks familiar its because I posted it last year. And the year before. But I am trying to catch my blog up to the Christmas season so I am pulling out all the Holiday Reblogs!

But, if you are like me, as Christmas draws near and the stress begins to rise around you, you can’t help but call out:


How’s the Christmas shopping going?

I go by our mall everyday on the way to and from work. Let me tell you, it takes about 30 extra minutes to make it home once I hit that Christmas mall traffic nowadays. I wouldn’t go out in that gauntlet if you paid me. It’s insane! Good thing my wife buys all the Christmas presents or we find them online and have them brought to us. I’m just her lowly  rapper wrapper.

Every Thanksgiving and weekends in December my wife tries to guilt drag me to go shopping with her. Call me weak but I don’t have the patience for all those masses, time wasters, and crazy people out there. Every year she tries. And every year I stand my ground. So my Grinch-like, selfish self has developed a Top Ten Reasons why I think it’s crazy to step one toe into the crazy Christmas shopping pond, that I had to reinforce once again these past two weeks. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE Christmas traditions. But this is not one of them for me.

So what are your biggest things you hate about the Christmas shopping? Do they look like my Top 10 Reasons?

Top 10 Reasons Not To Go Weekend Christmas Shopping: 

10.  Who can focus on great gift buying with all this great football on?

9.    I would rather be raking leaves! OK, that one is a toss up.

8.   There are some really scary looking Santas at the Wal-Marts that look like they came from…ah..Wal-Mart.

You're not Santa

7.   All the great gifts for the people I need to buy for are hanging neatly on the ‘Gift Card display’ in the grocery store. Really! They asked for these.

6.   There is NOBODY in the gym right now. I like working out when the Nobody’s are there

5.   If I want to see spoiled women  kids fighting over toys I could just watch the ‘Real Housewives’ episodes.

Are you kidding me?

4.   My fragile self-worth can’t handle the standing in the long lines at the registers.

3.   Shopping on-line! Let the stores bring your Christmas list to you!

2.   Santa doesn’t stand in line! Where are my elves?  


And the Number One reason to stay home Black Friday weekend:

1.   Staying home to watch your favorite college team score the go ahead touchdown while your daughter cheers with all your same enthusiasm, Priceless!


OK, sometimes I have been known to ‘embellish’ a bit in this blog so I have to come clean. My wife actually did trick me into going Christmas shopping with her Black Friday (score one for Mom).

We had my parents in town this year so my wife and I tried to fit in a date (movie night). When it was over, the mall was almost closed so she asked for ‘my help’ in trying to find some bunk beds in Sears for the girls.

I fell for it!

WELL, Sears doesn’t carry bunk beds for kids, at least not in ours. But that didn’t stop us from canvasing the whole store 2x looking for them; and her trying to get me to pick gifts for the kids along the way.

Sneaky! Very sneaky!

Her IQ dwarfs mine (ok so does Dylan’s) in her sneakiness, which reminds me why you Should never Marry A Nerd. That was sarcasm Sheldon. If you watch the Big Bang you know what I mean.PARSONS

So what do you love or hate about shopping for Christmas this time of year?



(Mele Kalikimaka!)

…to all my readers, where ever you are:

Feliz Navidad!

Joyeux Noel!

Froehliche Weihnachten!

Zalig Kerstfeast!

Kala Christouyenna!

Nollaig Shona Dhuit!

Ruumsaid juulup|hi!

Buone Feste Natalizie!

Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto!

Sung Tan Chuk Ha!

Sarbatori vesele!

Hristos se rodi!

God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt År!

Nadolig Llawen!

Srozhdestvom Kristovym!

Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!

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25 thoughts on “Where are my elves!

  1. 11- Boring gifts, nobody likes boring gifts, who cares about a dumb towel or some useless vase :W
    its boring to give, receive and buy.

  2. Merry Christmas to you, too, 3D!

  3. What a wonderful idea and help. I used to grab a store clerk by the arm and tell her she’s coming with me and help me find these things on the list. Merry Christmas! I hope you have a warm and Merry one! Always great to hear from you..

  4. I am through with my shopping! Last night my daughter and I noticed a guy picking things up in the store with that look of “what do I get” on his face so we led him to a display with beautiful boxed gifts of lotions and splashes.

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  5. Feliz Navidad Maria! Thanks for dropping by! As you can see my hands are still tied that I resort to reblogs this time of year… I feel one more coming…hmmmm. I do hope you are doing well and all set to have a great Christmas. Or stop by and bring some of your craziness down here. we have the wine this time of year! Feliz Navidad to you and yours Maria! And wishes for the best New year yet…xo

  6. You are right! You have to plan your day around when you think might be down time at the PO and hope they have extra help on. And then get stuck behind the one mailing 10 gifts to 5 states? Yes, I am finding this new Internet thing helpful this time of year to bring it to me or to other places. I do hope you have a warm and Merry Christmas PIF! All the best to you and your family! Thanks for dropping by..

  7. Hello, Andy! Very funny post with very compelling reasons why NOT to go shopping! I particularly liked #5 since no one is more childish than the darn housewives of everywhere! For crying out loud (literally)!

    I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your beautiful family. Feliz Navidad! 🙂

  8. I buy my games online, I find it much better and comfortable.
    There are a couple of stores here that do online with good prices and do not charge you for the delivery, but I dont have a credit card, so; and if it is something I really want, the waiting would be terrible.
    I dont drive either, so I just nag the driver to be home fast and for my purchase to be safe 😛

    Of course you could move to some fancy apartments in front of a mall, like someone I know from here, its actually nice and I couldnt hear the noise.

  9. Another terrible place to be this time of year is the post office. I made the mistake of selling something on Amazon. Therefore I had to stand in the huge post office line of people mailing gifts. Yuck. Good reason for buying and mailing in November!

  10. Very Merry Christmas Susie! Those elves are currently making their beds and cleaning up their rooms but when they are done I will send them to you. We had our biggest score with a Target 20% off coupon plus a normal 5% for their card. That was almost 25% off groceries and Christmas one week and a big score for Target. Score for you too! I know you can find some great stuff in Marshalls. ~ I have enjoyed your escapades, er, wild ride this year Susie. I hope you are feeling great and not looking back. Here’s to the best New Year yet for each of us! Merry Christmas!

  11. I love the shopping on line bit where they bring it to you. And while I don’t mind going out and actually searching for something I haven’t ever found the bliss when the crowd disappears…just that I can be faster than the crowd sometime. But then there is the parking lots and the every-person-for-themselves mentality and I just try to escape intact with no dents or collisions; or tickets. Which reality are you?

  12. Merry Christmas! If you find those elves, send them to my house. BTW, I don’t set foot in Walmart. I scored big at Marshall’s this year.

  13. I have found out that there are two completely different realities, the sane that avoids crowded malls as they are annoying and full of viruses, and the other when you really want something and the crowd seems to magically disappear.

  14. Yea, if I go in the depatment stores it is at the end of th eday or th ebeginning. Good for you and your boys. My girls are at the age where they have to touch everything. So we have to keep moving before they knock over all the merchandising. Good Luck with your Holidays CG! Have a Merry one…

  15. I try to avoid departments stores at all costs this time of year. Thankfully my boys aren’t big into video games and such. They much prefer the things I can get them at music stores or outdoor supply stores. A lot less crowded!

  16. See! I’m so Helium!..

    Hey I’m going to give you another award or two this week, if I can ever get around to it. ..just in case you want to practice your acceptance speech. Did you get that rough draft come through last night. Dang browser! I had to delete everything I started.

  17. Ha, ha…. Andy! Thanks. You have a week too!
    Oh & BTW, it’s Fer Schnitzle, not Shizzell ~ Just sayin ‘ 😉

  18. Fer Shizzell Karen. I tell my wife I am so ‘not-down’ that I’m helium. But there was that one Taco Bell commercial about a cheesey wrapper I could imitate. if I could remember it I would give it a whirl for ya. ~yea, I am cheering for the cheerleader! Have a great week Karen!

  19. I love Christmas but I’m w/ you on the holiday shopping madness. I’ve never bee out on Black Friday & usually try to know exactly what I’m going for before braving the crowds and crazy folk fighting over the last action here. Love the cheerleader & who are you kidding about NOT being a RAPPER!? 🙂

  20. Me as a rapper, huh? I did that once, imitating a Taco Bell commercial last year.

    lol I get so few visitors here as it is…I would hate to turn the rest of them off with me trying to sing…or rap… 🙂

    Have a great weekend Derek! Does UPS run on the weekends? They have the rest of my gifts to rap.

  21. I like shopping online. Malls are annoying. People in malls make them worse. Black Friday is somewhat crazy, if you ask me. — By the way, I think you should post a video you being a rapper. That would get views!

  22. Haven’t you seen through my cheap advertising? I post the Housewives just for the ratings and all the Housewives searches out there. Believe it or not, it actually took me a while to find that pic. Its one of my wife’s few guilty pleasures too. I don’t get it. It turns into my blog time. Which is your favorite?

    I saw a list of the holiday’s Top Searches on a homepage today and thought I would cover them all in a future blog…just for some exposure. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by Cassie!

  23. I avoid Wal-Mart at all costs during this season, and clearly you’ve confirmed my suspicions! We do a lot of online shopping too. Also, you clearly have the corner on the Housewives franchise in your house b/c the photos just keep coming! It’s a guilty pleasure of mine that my husband just shakes his head at : )

  24. Before I was married, that’s the way I was too. Less shoppers and it took me until that long to get a list of what I needed to buy for. She prides herself in finding the best values and thats why she starts earlier. if your girls were only 4 years old again. I, I mean we can do no wrong in buying the gifts. Thanks for dropping in CJ!

  25. I just do my shopping the day before Christmas Eve or give gift cards …hey I can do that my daughters are 22 and 25 and never like what I get them anyway!

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