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It’s a miracle!

Yesterday I had my consultative meeting with a Cancer Doctor about my radiology options in getting rid of my cancer. This meeting went even better than we could had expected. It appears I have an option where they implant radioactive ‘seeds’ in my prostate.

While fairly invasive upfront, and by that I mean ‘in the beginning’, the actual procedure is quite in the ‘land-down-under’, the end result should be full use of my prostate for years to come. It doesn’t have to be removed. The cancer will die. I’ll be able to use this mysterious gland for a good long time it appears.

In fact, the doctor said the slow growing cancer doesn’t even need treated at all, at its current size, although he didn’t recommend that option.

We joked. We discussed the procedure and he gave me some more literature to read. The meeting went pretty well in the end.

My attitude has done a 180 since that one week in mid-May. While I still see my moods going from scared to nervous, relieved, hopeful and ambitious, I still remember that one week when my prospects were not so bright.

My doctor had told me I had about a 25% chance of having cancer after my blood tests. Then BOOM! I have cancer after the biopsies. I was set up with CAT scans, DOG scans and Bone scans to see how far the cancer had spread. This was new to me. It HAD to be a mistake. The C word? And I was scared for one dark week. It didn’t matter that it was the bargain-basement type of cancer. I had cancer cells in my body!

I looked at my girls I wanted to see grow up all that week. They were placed in our hands to take care of. How could this be?

I promised two very special birth families WE, a mommy and a daddy, would raise these girls to the best of our ability.  I felt like I had let them down that week.

What about my wife? She does everything she can for these girls and there is still not enough time in the day for her. You mothers know what I mean. The thought of leaving her alone to struggle more was tearful.

And my parents, to outlive their son?

And so I walked out of that dark Cancer ward into the sunshine of the parking lot. I had a bit more bounce in my step than when I walked in. I didn’t even have to schedule the procedure until September! While not cured, this out patient ‘procedure’ can kill this dreaded cancer.

I hopped in my car. Turned the ignition on and headed for the exit.

Some people believe in coincidences and some people believe in miracles. I am beginning to lean more towards miracles.

As I headed towards the exit this song came on:

Click play and join me in my car as I drove home…

I knew this song from a few years past. I remembered it and knew how it went. Some of you who know the intro to the song may know where I am going with this.

The phrase I remembered came to me “Its not my time” instantly.

Followed by the words, “This could be the end of me. And everything I know.”

And as I drove away listening to more of the words I celebrated by turning the song up as loud as I could stand it.

And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But its not my time.

And I thought about the smiling faces of my two little girls.


Did you see Shake, shake, shake like a big wet dog?

Have you read any DYLANism’s?

I’ll be around to enjoy these things, and more, for a good long time I thought. And I am only moderately embarrassed to tell you I came to a stoplight and cried.

And I thought ‘what are the chances’?

What are the chances I hear this song at this time? A song I haven’t heard in years. A hard rock song from 4 years ago being played on an 80’s radio station. A song starting just as I turn on my car, after I kidded around with the nurses in the Cancer center, said good bye to my wife in the parking lot, and fumbled with my keys. The timing was spot on. What are the chances?

The man that sits beside me in church calls these things miracles. God did this for me. It doesn’t matter why.

Some may not believe this. It doesn’t matter. I’m not here to preach. It felt like a joyful, insanely happy (explicative) miracle. I’m going to live a long (explicative) time! It was the perfect (explicative) song at a great time.

“My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in”

If you believe in miracles, or just want to,  play this song. Then hop in the front seat of the car with me as I relive the day. I promise I won’t sing!



Looking back at the beginning of this
And how life was
Just you and me and loving all of our friends
Living life like an ocean
Now the current’s only pulling me down
It’s getting harder to breathe
It won’t be too long and I’ll be going under
Can you save me from this

‘Cause it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go

I look ahead to all the plans that we made
And the dreams that we had
I’m in a world that tries to take ’em away
Oh but I’m taking ’em back
Cause all this time I’ve just been too blind to understand
What should matter to me
My friend this life we live
It’s not what we have
It’s what we believe in

And it’s not my time I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now I know that
This could be the end of me
And everything I know
Ooo but I won’t go
I won’t go

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a fear in me
And it’s not showing
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

But it’s not my time
I’m not going
There’s a will in me
And now it’s gonna show
This could be the end of me
And everything I know

There might be more than you believe
There might be more than you and me
There might be more than you can see

But I won’t go
Oh no I won’t go down

Desperately Strong Like Susan

Good news!

I got the reports back from my tests last week.

What tests you ask? 

I had to do a CAT Scan and a Bone Scan last week to see if my cancer spread to my lymph nodes or bones.  I was at an all-time low last week (as an old friend used to say). The fact that I had to do these tests in the first place was depressing. I am too fit, too young, have too many darling young ladies looking to me for answers to have cancer. How can this be?

And the doctor wants to see where else it went? I wasn’t supposed to have any cancer in the first place! I wasn’t prepared for good news; it’s not how these last months have gone.

So I walked into my doctor’s appointment yesterday prepared to see what else they found. My wife and I were both very nervous, with the uneasiness about our futures. The doctor finally walked into our waiting room and announces, “I have some good news!” 


You made a mistake?

I’m cured?”  

Well, the news wasn’t that good. The doctor said the cancer had not spread to any other part of my body. He said, what he found was that I have arthritis in my big toe (no surprise) as well as some in the swell of my back. That was news to me but, honestly, if you would see me get out of bed some mornings it would be no surprise. I just associated it to old age.

But in the end, the good news was a BIG relief. I sighed a heavy sigh. No other cancer cells anywhere. I can have it all removed.  I felt like I had a new lease on life; lots of great, great feelings.

Now I feel like I am walking on sunshine, just like Katrina! Que the video for my actual mood…..

So my doctor laid out some options for me. Options! I now have options!

I can have surgery or one of two forms of radiation. The end result is the same but the side effects will vary. You would do me a favor and NOT look up side effects to these procedures. Trust me, they are humbling. But I do have the options. This situation can be cured. I have breath in my lungs at the end of this. And I STILL I do still get to see the smiles on my 3 girls  and provide for them for years to come. And I would take that over a few side effects lasting a month or two any day, any week.

So it was a bit of good news Tuesday. It felt like a burden lifted from my shoulders. I was happy when I left the this Doctor’s office for the first time, ever! Let’s do this I thought !

You know you feel kinda naked, lying on those x-ray tables, figuratively. I thought these images will show ALL my nasty little secrets. What else will they find? Ulcers? Blood Clots? Other Tumors?

You know what? The reports told me my 50+ year old body is mostly “unremarkable”. Unremarkable! That’s what the reports said. A mere mortal after all.

For grins, here is a listing of some of my naked secrets revealed by my two high priced body scans; such an invasion of my ultimate privacy…

  • “Lung bases are clear” Thank you Lung Association!
  • my “gallbladder, spleen, pancreas, and adreanal glands are unremarkable
  • bladder is normal” Phew, I was worried about that based on all my ‘supplemements’. I wonder if ‘normal’ is better or worse than ‘unremarkable’?
  • bowel dilation….there is no free fluid or free gas” …despite what my wife will tell you..
  • “the (my) prostate seminal vesicles are grossly unremarkable.” What’s up with that? That’s the way it reads. It sounds like a ‘whole lot of nothing’ concerning my prostate….grossly unremarkable  The doctor says it is sick and wants it for his collection.
  • Focal increase uptake in the right foot around the (big toe) …degenerative osteoarthritis or inflammatory arthritis such as gout.” Gout?! WTH? Gout?
  • what about my 70 year old shoulders….” a mild uptake in shoulders over some sumpthing sumpthing joints, a frequent degenerative pattern. This is symmetric.”Degenerative? That’s it for these worn out joints? Degenerative?
  • and the best one of all, “No areas are suspicious for metastatic disease related to the patient’s prostate cancer.” Translation, these degenerative old bones don’t show any sign of cancer. Yeah!!

So it appears I am unremarkable! Good news in the medical imaging field I suppose. It’s still a bit of a bubble-burster when all my life I have striven to be a little extra-ordinary.

As far as thoughts and prayers go, I have one thought…


thank you

You want more good news? 

Have you been outside recently? It’s practically summer! We’re making plans to go to the beach this weekend!

Anyone who has kids knows the summer solstice is practically upon us as the kids are waking up earlier and going to bed later and later each night. So break out the flip flops and come mingle your toes with some sand this weekend with us. Its Summer time! Let’s work on some tan lines!


More good news? 

I was paying bills last night and I looked out my window. Here is my 5 year old daughter trying to wrestle her 7 year old male neighbor to the ground. He was just standing there. It was Dylan that kept on falling off of him to the ground. It looked silly.

I just stared out the window for a minute or two. It was endearing to watch as our first miracle child is getting older, turning into a playful and wonderful little girl. PLUS, I know how hard she can body-slam! Trust me! I felt I had to watch out for the little boy. He was wearing glasses!

But here in our new address she has kids her age on both side of us, and many more riding their bikes down our street. Our girls can have so many friends here in our new location. Schoolmates…. in the ‘burbs. It does my heart good to think of the possibilities.

That is……for 5 or 6 more years…. until this 7 year old boy turns into a teenager…. just 2 years older than Dylan.



Someone find me a realtor!

I wanted to send a shout out to fellow blogger, Susan Lindau (Susan’s Wild Ride) who is undergoing surgery to remove cancer in her one breast on Friday. Susan is the one who frequently offer ‘blogger mixers’ where fellow bloggers can mix and mingle and meet new friends.She’s a lot of fun, always upbeat and takes you on her wild ride of life.

If you are inclined to pray for other people please remember Susan in your thoughts today. While there are cures available now its never easy when dealing with cancer; an emotional Wild Ride.


Susan is heading into her procedure fully optimistic, with grand plans after its all over. You can’t keep this woman down!

So good luck Susan! I hope to be Susan Strong when my time comes too.

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