GUEST POST: Hans On Marketing Company
I wanted to step back from my what I normally try to do here in 3D for a moment. Like many of you, I get many proposals from outside people and companies offering to write Guest Posts for my blog. Normally I quickly dismiss these requests; unless they want to pay me large sums up money upfront.
But I did receive one request last week that I seriously did consider. After all, as you look around, you certainly can’t argue with the success of this company. Its ideas and concepts are practically household items that are cleverly reinvented to help others sell, move, and distribute their products for the benefit of all.
I know many of you have outside companies or projects you maintain on the side, whether it is a book publishing company, fitness services or products or software companies that you are always looking for more sales from.
So, with that in mind, I thought this Guest Post might be beneficial to you, or all of you. The rest of you I hope you please don’t hate as I try to spread a little good will for some of my readers.
So without further delay, please let me introduce you to Hans, of the Hans On Marketing Company (HOMC) from the European country of Arendelle. Take it away Hans!
Hello everyone in 3D Land, as Andy said, my name is Hans and I represent the marketing company of Hans On Marketing Company, where we promise you we can sell ANYTHING! That’s right, I said my staff can sell ANYTHING you can imagine.
We have had success with many companies, large and small, selling all types of products and services all over the world. And we think we can do the same for you!
Companies have come to us to sell bedroom suites, food, clothing, vacations, linen, family activities, and much more. And we have sold these items. HOMC has increased sales for many companies 10 fold and gotten rid of unused or out dated inventories.
It’s true. You can believe Hans!
We have even sold things as impossible to sell as used birthday cakes for a small bakery by putting our simple spin on them from our motherland of Arendelle.
In a different situation a large cereal company asked us if we could help them sell some of their old, unsuccessful inventories of cereal that were aging in their warehouses.
We took a look at it and found it fit into our Marketing model and guaranteed success to that company; throwing a “Collector’s Edition” logo on the box for good measure.
We have similar success with old board games, ones that everyone knows but whose sales are sagging and in TROUBLE. Revamped their outsides, put some Arendelle twists on the insides and voila…brand new board games and tea sets:
One company concerned with kid’s health and fitness came to us. They were concerned kids today were spending too much time inside, playing these same board games or computers, and asked us how we could get kids outside again to run and exercise.
Our Marketing minds put their thoughts together. We agreed to the challenge. We said, “Trust us!”.
So we took old sneakers, forgotten in the backs of closets and made them trendy, sparkly and ‘fun to run’ in using our patented Arendelle marketing:
Plus we revamped some kids bikes, made them everyone’s favorite Arendelle colors, and lined them with the faces of our lovely models creating kids bikes they will never let go of, keeping the kids outside having some fun…
We have also worked with parents and kids in the Back To School theme, making coveted items that will be the envy of all youngsters going back to school with bags, lunch boxes and book covers:
We created other novelty, must have items with our Arendelle niche marketing. Items such as purses, diaries, and very coveted chapter books….
Also we created and marketed….Back To School fashions for all the ‘in-crowd‘…
…to even night-time attire for young ones, making going to bed fun again.
Why we have actually created entire bedroom designs for the little girls who have everything, where just not any gift will do for the young heiresses. Take a look at our designer sheets, blankets and pillow cases:
That last particular marketing campaign ended with such success for our clients that the Bed Bath and Yonder actually came to us, asking if we could help capture some of the money spent in a younger market segment for them in their stores.
Never one to turn down a challenge, or big company contracts, we told them,
Our marketing geniuses came up with new twists on common items that would have the younger market stereotypes standing, waiting in line at the door, being the first to buy these great ‘new’ bathroom items. Items such as shower curtains:
Shower curtains and matching bath towels with hoodies:
We even put our unique twist on getting kids to wash their dirty little faces with Arendelle soap and wash cloths:
Need further proof of our marketing supremacy?
Look what we did when a local candy company came to us and told us about their marketing problem.
This age old family business told us there was no way to sell their surplus of Jelly Beans this year in the always competitive shelf space for Easter candy.
We said, “Trust us and your trusty family recipe jelly beans will be not just stocked on the grocery shelves but flying off of them!
And it worked! Here are some laying on the floor…
We have since reached out to other forms of media, such as TV, and extended one of our wonderful Arnedelle models to help revamp ratings of struggling or inconspicuous TV shows. Here one of our models struts her stuff and graces one unknown dancer into stardom. Yes, even with TV, helping our clients reach top sales is an Open Door. We are even considering doing a movie featuring our two top models from Arendelle.
So that is our portfolio of proof on how our Hans On Marketing Company can help you and your goods or services. Don’t delay! Contact our Customer Service staff and we can tell you how we can help you increase sales and revenues with our Arendelle niche marketing.
Additionally, as our global models, Anna and Elsa, continue to grow in popularity we can promise you an exclusive TV or Internet commercial.
The world can see our models endorse YOUR goods or services, live, for everyone to take note.
These girls will stand behind your product and work tirelessly for the good of our great customers. They love all the world-wide attention and notoriety they have achieved, as well as for the success for the companies they have marketed. The world can’t get enough of seeing them on anything and everything that can be sold, bartered or traded. They feel their dedication to selling your product far out weighs their own personal time or taking vacations to see family and friends. They won’t be satisfied until their pretty faces adorn every product out there world-wide.
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Just a small sampling of Frozen paraphernalia in our home. After Christmas we counted 18 Frozen shirts or tops my youngest owned. Her sister probably has more. That movie is a money making machine! I hope you are doing wel PIF! Always great to hear from you…
Filthy stinking rich Ms. AuAu! Mwaahhahaha… my models have become so famous that I have decided to clone them ( a new story twist?) as the one just sits around and makes frozen margaritas all day long and the other spends all day on the Internet looking for Mr. Right. Lawsuits are still pending about knocking that poor boy overboard. ~thanks for the kind words on the two consumers modeling the clothes. If only I could get a movie made about my undiscovered models. (sigh). Thanks for dropping by Aurora! I always enjoy hearing from you…
Damn it Hans!
You must be so rich!
I was thinking of hiring the models, but that punch might be dangerous.
The clothes look nice on those consumers.
omg, I just hit Publish and going over to Reader to see how many words it was and there you are! I know you are busy with everything. Not to worry, you still in my Top 5 commenters! Have a great weekend Sandy! Come back anytime for a piece of cake…
Hey Andy! I’m liking this now so I can come back and really get into it. Miss our chats!