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08 Feb 2018

11 Comments

Snow Globe

So let me shake this blog up a bit.

How about some Christmas cheer for friends and family?

Whats that you say?

Its Valentines day?

Yes, if you have followed this blog you know you can expect a laundry list of Christmas pics after Christmas.

Wellllll….

This year, not so much. I was sick for about 2 weeks at the end of December. I wasn’t myself. This blogger spent half of Christmas break in bed. Not much fun AND not many Christmas pics of the kids for family and friends to share.

In fact just two…

Before:

and this…

Santa Sucks!

Skye actually said that!

She was asking for a Hoverboard. She saw one all wrapped up in the sack Santa left for Dylan but she did not see one in the sack Santa left for her.

When she saw D open her Hoverboard she cried,

“Santa Sucks!”

OMG!

Her demeanor quickly turned around when she dug a little deeper into her Santa sack.

No This After, or During…

Yes, it’s another Christmas Story

And that was it!

That was our Christmas.

Oh we did get a chance to watch the latest presentation of Dicken’s Christmas Carol at our historic (are you tired of that word yet?) Dock Street Theater .

(Courtousy of A Christmas Carol from Charleston Stage on Vimeo)

This year the opportunity came via a 4th grade field trip.

Do you think a 4th grader can spell Shaperone?

We also made the ice cream. Drank the egg nog, the warm spiced wine (not together), and Chambord over ice cream. Set up the train. Watched the Christmas Story. Visited the Christmas lights. And adopted that darn elf again.

What’s her name, Lana?

She likes Cookies!

And one night she evidently helped herself to the dog biscuits, thinking they were Christmas cookies too and left us a nasty note, saying they were the worst Christmas cookies ever!

She also helped herself to the left over spiced wine one night that we left out on the stove.

And then helped herself to an extra toilet paper roll in the closest Necessary Room and just had too good of a time!

Le sigh!

But then there was the Happy New Year!

Sort of…

Especially if your kids never saw snow or threw a snowball before..

It’s not supposed to snow like this where we live!

And it snowed and it snowed and it snowed.

The next day we woke up to a bright and sunny snowy day.

The next morning. Guess whose house has kids?

Did I mention ‘bright’?

And cold!

We had 4 days in a row with lows at 18 degrees.

Again…

That doesn’t happen here!

So much for global warming.

I started worrying about my own little ill-equipped backyard escape with the cold temperatures and 6 inches of snow.

Good bye paradise!

Our little summertime gazebo started to lean under the weight of the snow.

And I had to be creative to keep that upright and the pool water from freezing in the pipes.

Still, others had it lots worse than we did….

South Carolina drivers DO NOT know how to drive in the snow!

Like the owner of this brand new, freshly waxed shiny Camaro.

Maybe its not a good time to go for a ride?

Most local drivers were ridiculously slow, er, careful.

I enjoyed the snow packed streets as I grew up in the snow.

Still others……ahhh…

It was funny, all the cars that were stuck in a ditch or crashed into a tree or sign, (we even had a car end up in a pond close by) were pick-ups or other testosterone fueled crafts; like the fellow above.

Another example, the road in front of me that allows me to get to work, was closed for 3 days as two First Responders were hit when a fast approaching fire truck hit a patch of ice on a bridge and slid into them.

Seriously!

It sounds like something out of Florida or a Griswald Christmas but it happened right here in our zip code.

Sometimes a good driver knows when NOT to go for a ride .

And keep all that excitement warm and inside!

So that was our Christmas Break

As you read it through the glass.

This time no flashy posts

Or Christmas blogs from the past.

It was sickness, and snow

and cursing Santa this year.

No snow globe with good health

or carols I fear.

No Ding Dong Merrily On High inside my snow globe

It was a snow globe of sleeping and bills,

…and an elf on a tear!

The roads were bad.

The driving was worse.

Ill-tempers were flaring.

Somebody call me a hearse.

Still..

Despite the testy Ba-Humbug being heard…

We had family and some memories to hold dear.

And as with Christmas and globes you know what’s the word.

Traditional Snow Globes aren’t for looking…

They’re better shaken!

(not stirred)

OK…. just one old Christmas video

Just to get it out of my system.

Don’t hate!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Ahhhh, I mean Happy Valentines !

Posted in Archives and tagged Baby its cold out there., christmas, Christmas Carol, dock street theater, elf lana, I am not a poet, Its up to your knees out there, little red camaro, snow

18 Jan 2018

23 Comments

iFit website = iCrapDoggyDue website

Every now and again you run across some company that you think is an evil, money-grubbing outfit, that appears harmless enough, but then cracks you over the head with some surprising billing that you feel helpless to stop.

….and a web site, service or product you feel you should warn others about!

Let me introduce you to iFit.

Buyer Beware!

A few years ago I bought a treadmill. It was a nice one that even came with a modem to connect to the Internet. They suggested using the iFit website as a way to track my runs as well as download some trails from around the world. I thought, OK, cool!

I bought a one month membership. And then another. At the end of the year they were giving away some nice gifts if I would buy a Yearly Membership. I was tired of rebilling all the time. We had some nice taxes coming back that year and so I thought why not. I paid $130.20 on 12/31/2016 for a 2017 membership.

I know, crazy, right? That much money to track how far you run?

Well this January I received this message in an email:

Your Premium Membership has expired.

Hi Andy,

We couldn’t auto-renew your iFit Premium annual membership as expected.

To continue your iFit Premium membership, visit your Account Billing in your settings to upgrade your account to Premium.

If you have questions, we’d love to help. Simply email us at support@ifit.com.

Keep Moving,
TEAM IFIT

Well, I don’t use the treadmill much. If I use it two times in a month it was a good month. Some months I don’t use it at all.

I even write down all the data from my runs in Journal form.

The little 3 inch TV screen on the treadmill is not very motivating when I am running through the woods in the Ukraine so those advertised runs are not very motivating either.

So I thought, no I am not renewing it this year.

It is such a waste of good money!

So I did not renew.

In-fact I did nothing. The email suggests they can’t bill me. Let me just right this poor, expensive fitness training off and manage the tracking of calories and distance on my own. ( I have a college degree after all )

So then the next day I was shocked to find this email in my Inbox:

Thanks for your purchase!

Please retain this billing receipt for your records. You can access your complete billing history in your settings.

Order ID: 2351041 Order Date: January 15th 2018

Item

Amount

Coach 1 Year Auto Renewal – AUTO

$180.00

Subtotal:	$180.00
Estimated Tax:	$16.20

Order Total:	$196.20

What?

I didn’t do anything, least of all ask for another overpriced fitness membership. ( do you see where the price for this Premium Membership went up $66 or 33% in a year?)

And I may be mistaken but I am pretty sure I changed the credit card number I used last year to a new one, hence the first email I received from them saying they could not renew. Hmmmm?

Now I have gone through all the refund links on their website. Twice. I still have yet to hear from them.

Other than the ol’ take a number routine:

“Your request has been updated. Reply to this email or follow the link below:”

Meanwhile $196 just was stolen from my checking account by this shady iFit web site.

I started a dispute for this charge with my bank now. They have been good in the past about not paying for money not earned by some service (internet web site). But it really frustrates me that there are crooked outfits like this that stay in business and take people’s money when they have not earned it and through some shady business practice.

So I thought you should know. If you ever get an offer to join iFit, whether it be for a Fit Bit, treadmill, stationary bike, Stair Stepper, Nordic Track, anything….

Buyer Beware!!

If you see a promotion for anything from iFit I hope the hairs stand up on the back of your neck and you run, not walk, but run far away from the offer.

And please tell your friends and family too. If you get a membership they keep your credit information on file and bill you again when your membership is up whether you ask for it or not.

iFit = Buyer Beware!

Posted in Archives and tagged iFit, iFit Axis, ifit Coach, iFit Dashboard, iFit membership, ifit module, iFit Monthly Membership, iFit Shop, iFit vue

29 Nov 2017

7 Comments

Turkey Leftovers

Hello, its me again, Tom Turkey in 3D,

I had to sit down after the big feast and holiday weekend we just had.

Phew!

Did you have a good Thanksgiving?

Me, I’m bloated.

And I seemed to have eaten so much that I can’t get my darned fave green vest closed anymore.

All us turkeys in 3D made it through last week with ease. Our B&B was only partially filled with family and friends this past holiday so it was not quite as hectic. And while we did miss seeing the normal faces around here it was nice to sit my big turkey butt down and have complete access to the…

remote control.

This turkey got smoked and then I was accompanied by some mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, some .50 stuffing and dessert.

Ahhh, dessert! That was my favorite class in school.

We made two pies all set for me to gobble for Thanksgiving.

Then,

our friendly neighbor from across the street, the one that my girls have not alienated yet by their basketball running through her flower bed, brought over her delicious, mouth-watering, too-good-to-be-true-that-I-must-have-died-cause-this-must-be-in-Heaven pumpkin pie.

Mmmmmm!

With a capital Mmmmmm.

Well how can you decide on a holiday made for Thanking and Feasting which pie you should have after the big gobble-wobble?

So I made a healthy decision and didn’t have any pie after the feast!

Oh really Daddy?

I had a piece of all three!

Its true (insert frowny-face emoji)

But then…

As plump and ripe and tired and satiated as this Turkey’s family was after the feast there was still some squawking in the coop about the Christmas decorations needed to go up this (past) weekend.

What the @%&(!?

And as my friend from last week, Donald Trump would say, or tweet,

“I beg your pardon?”

Apparently, it is a Tom Turkey family tradition to put up the Christmas decorations the weekend of putting the bird away.

The relaxing 4 day holiday weekend.

The college football rivalry week weekend!

Well I told Mrs. Turkey I never ever @$%^@! of such a #%&*@ thing!….

…under my breath.

So now my living room looks like this:

Now listen….

I am Not that bad of a photographer.

Despite what you are thinking. It wasn’t my phone, er, camera either.

It was just…

ahhh…

I had just had a glass of Drambuie

(after yet another shameful piece of pumpkin cheesecake)

and my sight may have been a little bit, ahhh…

blurry.

Just saying….

But the decorating is done and I like it and I don’t have to stress about decking the halls for anymore weekends this year.

Its done.

Cross it off the list.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here…

..But the prettiest sight to see

is the kitchen clean as can be

As my dog cleans the floor..

Yes it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here.

Everywhere you go

We took a train to the Grand Hotel.

One in the park as well,

The ancient kind that doesn’t mind there’s no other place to go-o-oh..

Sorry that last Christmas Carol was just a little forced into this blog, wasn’t it?

I’m sorry.

You see, I do a lot of driving for my job and I have been listening to too many Christmas Carols all day I have been told.

Everyone I meet just seems get ambushed by the last Christmas Carol I heard that gets stuck in my head.

Does that happen to you?

You can’t get the last carol out of your head?

Like this morning …

I texted my wife, who was about ready to leave for work. The traffic was in a snarl again and so I wanted to advise her to leave extra time to get to work.

But when I spoke into my text’er machine it came out:

“Oh the traffic outside is frightful

and your bed is so delightful.

And since it moving so slow…

stay at home, stay at home, stay at home…”

Much to the amusement of my two young turkeys in the car on their way to school at my surprise Christmas rap to their mom.

Geez, I need some more material.

I hope you all had a WONDERFUL, PEACEFUL, THANKFUL Thanksgiving!

Thanks for dropping by for some of these Thanksgiving leftovers.

I’ll try to do better next time knuckleheads.

Do you have a favorite Twisted Christmas Carol like the butchered one above?

I would love to hear your version of your fave.

If you do leave it in the hardly used, almost brand new Comment section below.

I know we have a good handful of great poets that have (in the past) subscribed to this blog.

Lettuce, er, let us hear Your original twisted carol.

Love ya!

Next its time for some Christmas leftovers from Christmas reposts of Christmas past.

(cause I have finally hit my 100% memory in my media file on this post and I may have to do a fundraiser to get enough money to Upgrade with WP for some extra picture space until then~ le sigh)

Have a great weekend!

Posted in Archives and tagged 12 days of Christmas, almost christmas, five golden riings!, four calling birds, leftovers, Oh baby is cold outside, Oh baby its up to your knees out there, oh bay you'd freeze out there, poets call, Thanksgiving, that was really a sorry thanksgiving post, three french hens, Tom turkey, try to do better, turkey, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pair tree....are somewhere in the pictures in this post

01 Nov 2017

11 Comments

Have another Kit Kat

Well the emails have been pouring in…

“What did you wear did you wear for Halloween?”

“How did the door turn out?“

(Okay, I embellish sometimes )

Well, first things first (delayed gratification)

Here is what the closet doors ended up looking like:

The hinges from the real doors ended up being the hinges on the French doors.

You have to use your imagination about what the door knobs blend into.

She did a good job adding detail to make the waves distinct and took nearly half an afternoon making the detail and shells on the beach.

If you look real close at the bottom you can see what looks like Dylan wrote her name in the sand.

Very cool.

In a few years we can just say she painted the whole thing and signed her name to it. 🙂

Okay, as for the costumes…

Dylan was a kitty skeleton (see the ears?) and Skye was Jyn, the new Star Wars future-Jedi, soon-to-fall-to-the-Dark side girl (spoiler alert!)

And, to answer all your questions about what moi dressed as, well I didn’t feel like dressing up this year.

I was relegated to handing out candy at the front door to all the young boys and ghouls.

I was just my usual chatty, charming self.

Some friends and family had asked about what Halloween Decorations I put up?

You know, when I was a kid, back before the Internet…. and bubble gum, we never decorated houses for Halloween.

Now, at least in our neighborhood, it is starting to get competitive.

I put out old school decorations, stuff that I grew up with, like ghosts and scarecrows on sticks that you shove into the ground.

Boring! Boring!

…is what my kids call me, er, say.

So each year I pick up another $10 Halloween decoration to add to my landscape of chills..

The Fountain of Blood was the big hit!

Little kids kept pointing at it and asking, “what is that?“

“Well Its blood!…from the darn cat we got last year for Christmas” WhawHaHahaHa!

See that note on the door?

That is a Dylan creation. It is a note to trick or treaters to ask for certain candy if….

THEY HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES!

OMG..

Back in the day we worried about razor blades in apples. This day and age they worry about Food Allergies.

It is truly a new day.

HERE is what I tried to make the big scare up front

the risks of being a careless skateboarder

But the fierce wind the night before just shredded the cobwebs over the spider. (Le sigh)

Yes, the Pumpkin Head ghoul spoke as the kiddies went by….

“Want some candy boys and girls? Any food allergies? WhawHaHaHaHa!

Also, here is last year’s $10 HALLOWEEN bonanza find…

My last two good ideas… RIP

…glowing Styrofoam Tombstones

And the Blood fountain…

…with a hand left in it from last year’s Halloween from some teenager who reached one-too-many times into the host candy bowl for another Reese’s after I had told him No!

If you noticed, or maybe you didn’t, there is a large spider theme here at the front door.

Almost invisible on these pics are the 10-12 little black plastics spiders that came in the $5 bag of make-believe cob webs.

I dangle each spider on some thread from the ceiling at the front door so the little trick-or-treaters have to walk through them to get the candy. (WhawHaHaHaha)

The thinking is lots of people are afraid of Spiders.

We aren’t so much, except the ones that swim in the pool.

We actually had one as our first pet when we got married.

My wife named him ‘Boots’.

Meet ‘Boots’

He was shy, largely housebroken, and a real couch-potato.

Some people thought having a spider for a pet a bit odd and kinda left us alone back then.

What about you?

Are you afraid of spiders?

Do they freak you out?

Me? I kinda got used to them. You have to when you keep them as pets.

…and as the Man of the House!

I’m not afraid of them at all!

No fear. No fear

That’s about it for now knuckleheads. I will try to do a better job next time.

I hope you ALL had a fun time on Halloween and had both some scares and some sweets.

I hope you have an even better weekend! Take pictures.

I have to go throw my pile of Kit Kat wrappers away.

Ciao!

Posted in Archives and tagged halloween, hand me a kit kat, I said NO thats your last one!, No Fear.., sometimes I embellish, spiders, trick or treat, what the heck is a food allergy?

25 Oct 2017

15 Comments

Trick Or Treat?

Hello gang,

Its your phantom blogger again in an attempt to resurrect a stale, cold, dying blog. After several summons to come back from the dead I thought I would treat you all to some scary updates from our realm of the world.

OK, here’s a word that will send chills down your spine,

School!

Report cards came out last week and our ghouls got straight A’s!

No loping off of fingers or toes this nine weeks!

Dylan made the A Honor Roll. Skye was all , 4’s as well. Adding another spice to the scholastic caldron, their Mom completed her last class for her MBA this past month too! She now has a bootiful new degree to hang on the wall and, AND is officially as smart as me now.

Frightening!

In a recent open house, in which the PTA did NOT ask for money, Skye had her picture of our local suspension bridge hanging in the main hallway.

She did it Van Gogh style

Yes, our little goblin draws better than moi.

Speaking of Art, the girl’s local Art teacher agreed to paint a sunset scene on Dylan’s closet doors.

Oh no!

…she has to see Dylan’s messy room!

It all started when Dylan said she wanted her room painted. Well, this dead-as-door-nails, motionless-as-a-corpse Dad of hers quickly diverted her idea to the closet getting painted due to my ailment and the bloody, ghoulish opening of my belly several times back in September.

I was having none of that at the bloody time.

Skylar even has an interesting teacher who has them growing produce in some areas of the school. Her Children of the Corn have raised, or at last planted and watered a harvest of vegetables.

Like these sweet potatoes below.

Which brings us to the nightmarishly spooky part of the year…

Fall Festivals.

We have been to a few so far this year but apparently we have chosen the lame, er, ahhh…cheap Fall Festivals so far.

Riding Sharks…

Trying to lasso giant bubbles…

a band with a grandmother shaking maracas…

Nothing really to stand up (or play dead) to write home about

(but apparently some sorry blog fodder)

Phew!

That is it.

Take a deep breath.

Good!

Did this inhuman Tick or Treat blog bore you

or relax you?

Have you been sufficiently lulled to peace and a deep sense of rest and relaxation?

Are you now open to suggestions?

Good.

Now you will look at D’s and S’s fund-raising videos from school where you are asked to pledge a dollar for how many laps they run. Vote on your favorite one, and then make a donation to that favorite video.

Understand?

Good.

Click on the videos then cast your vote for the most dreadful one…

Scary Skylar:

Devilish Dylan:

I know, its hard to pick which one is better than the other!

It’s a fundraiser for their school. It brings in needed supplies.

Just pledging a mousey $1 is GREAT!

The more pledges our girls get the cooler the prizes they earn along with a class full of notoriety and self-esteem…

I know…

Creepy!

Before you go….for those that are still reading. I would ask that you say a prayer.

You see…. this guy below… his team is playing the devious, merciless, scoundrels of Ohio State on Saturday. What ever team wins will most likely be crowned BEST EVER College football team and also the Big Ten Champs.

Poor Saquon. Millions of people are calling him the best player in college football this year (see the video) but if his team loses on Saturday it all means nothing. (le sigh)

So please pray for Saquoun (he’s such a humble guy or he would do it himself) to beat the pants off those Ohio State Buckeyes, for Saquon to have a BIG game, and watch all things right in the world come together

..as Good defeats Evil

We Are!

Anywho, before I leave you with my much-anticipated Halloween play list that all of you can play while sitting in the school line or in traffic on the way to work, I want to wish you the SCARIEST Halloween yet!

Have fun, be devilish, don’t be safe….. mhawhahaha..